Walk along side me, Mama
and hold my little hand
I have so many things to learn
that I don't yet understand
Teach me things to keep me safe
from the dangers everyday
Show me how to do my best
at home, at school, at play
Every child needs a gentle hand
to guide them as they grow
So walk alongside me, Mama
We have a long way to go
I think I have a cold and can't sleep all stuffy, so I got up and prepared some invitations for my graduation next Saturday. As I was scribbling names on a piece of paper, God sent me the perfect prayer. Short, sweet, simple, and very direct.
A MOTHER'S PERFECT PRAYER
Lord, forgive my son.
Lord, save my son.
God, have mercy on my son.
God, help my son.
God, protect my son.
Holy Spirit, guide my son.
AMEN.
Getting excited and feeling of anxiety are rising.
Son to be released end of month and feelings of happiness
When I talked to my son tonight all I could hear was the yelling of another inmate staying in the Juvenile Pod. He annoys my son to the point of my son breaking down and just wanting to go to Heaven. It hurts so much when he says this! I HATE THIS SITUATION! I truly don't even know what blogging is by the way.
Hello Ladies, I rarely post on the site, but I wanted to share & encourage you all as we walk this journey with our sons. As some ofyou know, my son, Ron, is serving a 7yr sentence at Coleman Federal Prison located just outside of Orlando, Fl. I'm blessed to have the privilege of corresponding via email with him daily and we talk over the phone at least once a week. Over the past couple of weeks I could sense something was a bit off key with him, but figured he would share with me during our next visit. He shared somethings with me and we discussed them and enjoyed the rest of the visit. As a mom, when I left I felt like he hadn't shared everythimg and I was correct. Long story short, he's almost at the top of the hill or should I say 1/2 way point of his sentence and his emotions are all over the place....home sick, worried about family (especially the older ones with health issues), and the issues that come with being incarcerated. I'm sure some of your sons are feeling, or have felt some of these same emotions during their incarceration. I encourage each and everyone of you, as a Mother, to pray daily for your son's protection, peace, comfort & that God will keep them mentally stable during their incarceration andvupon their release. Although most are serving time due to bad choices, they are still human a d more importantly our SONS!! Continued blessings to you all and your families♡♡
So my life changed FOREVER on Jan 22, 2016!! My son was arrested and taken from our home in front of his 5 year old sister and his daughter (she was to young to know what was going on). The Federal Marshals surrounded our house and took my only son away, at the time I had no clue what he had done. But know almost a year and 1/2 later my son is being sentenced to 20 - 40 years in jail - no parole till 20 years!!! My son was 21 years old when he was arrested, his life had not even really began - I had hopes and so many dreams for him that he never got to accomplish. I have two children my son and my daughter. My children own my heart and with one gone - it feels like my heart doesn't even beat the same anymore. it sounds crazy! I pride my self on being a good mother, but I feel that at some point I dropped the ball. I feel like I was not hard enough on my son or maybe I didn't give him something in life that he needed and that caused him to get in trouble - I just don't know!! I have millions of emotions all the time. One minute I am okay, the very next minute I am fighting back tears at work or on the highway!! I try to keep it together in front of my daughter, but at times I feel like I am going to explode. I should win an academy award for best actress, because I turn on a smile and a happy voice in a minute - but inside I am totally DEAD!! I feel like I am having a HORRIBLE dream and can not wait to wake up, but then I realize am already awake - and the nightmare is real and I am living it. NEVER in a MILLION years would I ever think I would be visiting my son in PRISON!! I worry and fear for him every sleeping and waking second of my day. I talk to him at least every other day and he sounds fine, but sometimes I know its just his "poker voice" for me and at times I put on my "poker voice" for him. He said to me today on the phone "i will make it back home mom"!!, I wanted to just crawl thru the phone and hug him and say "i know you will". I believe with all my heart that he will make it back home, but at what cost! What will prison turn him in to! I LOVE MY SON and I WILL BE THERE FOR HIM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, even when others have left his side, he knows his mother will always be in his corner - right or wrong - Mom is always going to be there!!!
I am glad I found this site, so that I can express myself to others that are going thru the same experience and just share my thoughts that have me feeling like I am going to go crazy!!!
A lot has happened since I started this page, yet at the same time it is still brutal wait and see game. So far, my son is still being held in a county jail. He has been held there since June 22, 2016. Almost a year has gone by since I have held my son, being able to even touch him. Thankfully, in the past few months I was able to hire a lawyer. They are getting him mentally evaluated and I have been able to give his lawyer his medical records from his mental hospital stay. In May we have a docket call, that will either set a trial date or we will enter a plea. The lawyer is doing some motions now, hopefully will get updated soon.
I just want this nightmare to be over. I keep asking myself over and over, how did this happen?? It is also coming out that what he has been accused of and what he said he did may have been an exaggeration. It is hard to know what to believe because he has always had an issue with his perception of reality. I always knew my children were the great loves I would have, I just never realized they would be the worst heartbreaks as well.
I am focusing on my youngest son and working a lot. Trying to just figure out how to live this new reality. He will be 17 in May. He doesn't know how to drive, he has never had a job, and he didn't even finish the 9th grade. I pray if they sentence him that it will be a short period, that perhaps there will be probation. I feel like his whole life is gone now.
My son was arrested last year during Holy Week. Exactly 1 year ago today. I thought at the time, (and still do now) that the timing was by no accident. I have to believe that this is all part of God's greater plan for his life, perhaps even for mine. My faith tells me that there is so much more going on around me and within me than even I am aware of …
…"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. "For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;…
Isaiah 55:8-10 New American Standard Bible
I leave my son in God's capable loving care every morning when I wake up, tired and restless from troubled dreams, and every night as I drift off to sleep, weeping for yet unknown sorrows to come. I will continue to "Pray, Hope and Don't Worry", as this has been our mantra for the past year, thanks to my dear friend, Padre Pio.
May all of you beautiful mothers who courageously show up in support of your cherished sons and daughters reap the rewards of Heaven by your sheer selflessness. God has a very special place reserved for us. Of that, I am certain.
May you have an abundantly Blessed Easter!
I will probably always, at times, see my son as a joyful smiling baby, a curious and adventurous toddler, the grade-schooler who couldn't learn fast enough, the awkward tween trying to find his niche and the troubled high school kid who just wanted to be accepted and loved.
It is too hard for me to see him as the incarcerated adult who made one really bad decision on one single day of his 30 years of life. Not that that was his only bad choice; just the one that sent him to prison. The other choices (drugs, alcohol) sent him into the situation that left him vulnerable to arrest.
I vacillate daily between sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, hope, discouragement and anguish. My shoulders have more knots than Clifford Ashley's Book of Knots. (google it) I believe it will take the remainder of my life to undo them all. Yet, by the grace of God, go I.
What other choice do I have? One foot in front of the other - every. single. day.
Offering my prayers for all of you going through this same suffering. May His peace and comfort find you along the way. You are in my heart. <3
