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just so angry today.  son called me and yet again - he was mugged and beat up.  This time it was for his commissary.  It's so disheartening that our justice system doesn't have anyone watching these areas when inmates are in their holding areas.  It just baffles me.... This is the 3rd plus time that my son has been "robbed" and beaten for it.  

Total beat up... 4th time.  Son makes me mad because I keep telling him he needs to knock some people's faces in or hit them in the throat.  He keeps telling me he just doesn't want to get in trouble.  I asked him... are they getting in trouble for beating you?  He said no... I said punch them in the friggin face or throat.  I don't care if it's 4-5 guys ganging up on him... Hit one or two of them in the face or throat and they will leave you alone. 

You have to understand... my son is 6'3 and 250 pds.  He is only 19 years old but scared out of his mind.  I don't know what else to tell him.  He is still in Georgia's Administration Jail in Jackson... he supposedly only has two more things to do before they move him.  It's ticking me off!

Any advise from anyone here that can aid me in telling him any advice would be great.  I am to the point I don't want to send him any more $$ for commissary because what is the point.  He apparently is going to keep getting robbed and beat up!

Be in prayer... I am at my wits end.. my mommy gloves are coming on and I want to walk in there my self and kick someones butt!!  LOL

I have good news and I have bad news...... Good news, my son called...They said it would take 4-6 weeks and it's been less than a week and he was able to call.  

Bad news is as soon as he got there they had to put him in protective custody.  The guard on purpose read his charge out loud in front of the prisoners in the room and walked out of the room and allowed 5 men to beat my son.  He was there 24 hours.  He arrives at Georgia Diagnostic Prison and this already happens?  What the heck?  I'm furious!!  How can this  not be cruelty and undeserving punishment and abuse of power by the guards?  Georgia upsets me that they are putting young men in prison who are 18-19 years old who have sex with a girl 4 years and 2 months younger than them and pinning them as a Child molester.  Not sex with a minor not nothing to that effect...but child molestation.   there is something wrong here.... Georgia is already being investigated by the Federal government due to this same type of issue(s):

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/02/us/georgia-prisons-violence/index.html?iref=allsearch

The dorm he is in also has no Air conditioning and it's like 100 degrees in there.  

I am not making light of what my son did... don't get me wrong but are you kidding me?  He's going to have to put up with this kind of treatment because he made a mistake?  How can guards get away with this crap???  Through this whole process I have lost such respect for the justice system that I can't stand it.  My son can't be the only one there dealing this.  I'm sick!!  He will always be treated like a 30 year old man who molested a 4 year old child.  Not a 18 year old kid who had sex with a 13 year old girl who was 7 days away from her 14th birthday.  

I'm beside myself because underneath my son's surface he's a wimp....he was not raised on the streets, I moved away from detroit for that reason.  He was raised in a small home town christian community.   I don't know if he is going to make it.   The only good thing was that in his evaluation and testing - he can be a teacher.  They told him that he could get 6 months off his sentence by teaching people and helping them get their GED.  

I'm just angry and upset and want to scream!

I cannot take credit for the idea of this.  I found it on the internet, created by Dana, embellished by Jill.  I just took this and made it into my own story.  You can do the same.  Find some passages that speak to you.

Well I am to the part where he and his than girlfriend were pregnant.  What I found out months later... they planned this pregnancy.  I found a letter from her a month or two before we found out they were pregnant talking about the plan and she couldn't wait for them to start their little family, so on and so forth.  I was furious.  Again, tried to talk to her parents about it and ended up being told I was a liar.  It was crazy.  Never met two adults before that would just keep believing their daughter and not listening to what other adults were saying when I had proof in my hands.  

Anyways, having his son did my son a world of good.  It started to give him a purpose.  He worked harder, he wanted to take responsibility and he is a good dad.  He pretty much gave his son everything his own father didn't do.  I like to say as well that my current husband had a great influence on him. My husband is a great father and is very supportive and loving to his children.  My SD and our son we have together.  I started to see somethings in my son I never saw before.  However, his anger issues were still there under the covers.  His son's mom and parents never called the police on him for all the things he did to her.  I didn't find out the magnitude of those things until much later.  Again, because of his behavior in  my home and him not wanting to listen to the rules and me not wanting to support the kids relationship due to the violence, he moved in with them so I didn't know everything that was going on.  He was 17 at this time.  

With all this going on with my eldest son, we were also having problems with my SD.  She was starting to get very defiant and showing signs of sexual interest about 13 or so.  My husband and I put her on birth control because of how bad it was.  Sexting boys, trying to act provacative etc. etc.  Again, she was 13 looking like she was older.  She is more developed than kids her age.  The summer before my son was arrested she had been acting wierd her grades that fall were horrible... she was acting out and just giving us such a hard time.  All of it makes sense now but at the time, we thought she was on drugs or something or going through a phase.  We also thought possibly she was showing signs of bipolar since her biological mother was as well.  We didn't know we took her to counseling and she just would just sit there mad and wouldn't talk. We had issues with her lying, making up stories (she told people at her school that she was pregnant by a neighbor boy etc.).  She was just doing things that made no sense at all and was causing us alot of grief.    

Now, in December on my husband and my anniversary, my son came to my house to bring my grandbaby for a visit.  My youngest son and SD was here.  Had a great visit and my son started to get ready for work and to drop the baby off at his other grandmothers house.  My husband and I were getting ready to out for dinner.  My son left 20-30 minutes after we left.  

We called to check on SD since she was posting inappropriate things on facebook on being home alone etc. etc. and on the way home, we were going to pick her friend up to stay the night.  So, when we got home my husband was outside smoking and he was outside our garage and our window to the garage happen to be open.  He over heard SD talking about her and my son and things that were going on and that day, they had sex.  My husband flipped out.  

Now, to make a long story short.  The police were called, found out that they have been messing around (per SD - kissing making out etc) for months since earlier in the summer.  And the sex issue came about that day and never before that.  She claims from the time she was 7 or 8 that nothing happened any other time up to that summer.  Now, he didn't live in our home so I don't know how much or frequent this was happening.  He didn't come to our home often.  I work from home so I would always have access to when he was there and we never left her alone often.   

To make a long story short - He was charged with Child Molestation and aggravated Child Molestation.  His than girlfriend (baby's mother) broke up with him and our SD decided she wanted to live with her Bio mother.  Tore my husband up.... in any case he was still supportive of both the kids.  She lived with bio mother only a year before wanting to come back home with us.  

My son ended up moving back with us because he had no where else to go.  6 months from the incident he got married to a girl he barely knew and moved out, she's a nice girl and smart... but that relationship was also toxic and he ended up getting two more charges for spousal abuse.  They tied the two together and he ended up getting time served in county and probation.  

When he finally when to court in May this year for the Child molestation issues, he would NOT take a plea deal.  They offered him 3 years and they were willing to change the charge to sex with a minor or something of lesser wording.  Again, he would't listen to me or his step dad ~ claimed his innocence and still does to this day that nothing happened and she is lying ~ he would not take a plea when he didn't do anything wrong.  So we ended up going to trial.  He was found innocent of the aggravated charge and was found guilty of the Child Molestation.  Again, these two are 4 years and 2 months apart and I feel Georgia is to harsh on wording this with the gap of age.  

I know I sound bad that I don't believe my son - again, it goes back to the motherly instinct.  He suppose ably admitted it to his ex girlfriend (baby's mother) because she supported him up until 3-4 months later....he states she is lying too.  

Just knowing what I know when he was a kid and things that happened through the years as he was growing up when it came to girls and sex and manipulative nature, I can see it happening.  I also know that my SD is a liar - yet, when we catch her - she tells the truth quickly.  Her story has not changed one bit from 2 years ago.  Nothing added - nothing deleted.. stayed consistent.  The judge even said she was the most believable witness he has ever heard and seen in his 20 yrs as a judge.  So, she is either a very good liar or she is telling the truth.  I don't believe she would continue a lie like this to the point of putting my son in jail and still having to live with me and watching me be angry - crying etc.  She's difficult but she is also a very sweet girl.  She has a heart for people.  

So, now my son is a sex offender and tagged the rest of his life as a Child Molester - it makes me sick.  I hate he wouldn't listen to us and I hate that he put himself in this position.  I don't know how to support him when he says he's telling the truth and I have to sit there and say - I understand your frustration yet in my mind, I know he's guilty.  

How do you support them when they won't take accountability?  Do you keep making them believe you believe them?  I don't want him to lose hope and I don't want him to think I don't love him.  No matter what has happened and no matter what he does - I still love him and still know he is a good boy in there underneath all this mess he has created for himself.  Again, he is so book smart just has very bad decision making.  No common sense is what my husband says... smartest dumb kid he knows.  

I worry about when he's there and having people find out what he did and beating him up or raping him or killing him.  I worry about the stigma of what he will face when he gets out and living a normal life.  His current wife states she will wait for him but 3-5 years is a long time and their relationship is not that great and I fear if he does go back with her - he will end up back in jail because of his issues with anger.  

Trying to not let all this consume me has been hard.  I look at his baby pictures and wonder - what did I do wrong and how did this happen and why?  I ask God everyday Why?  I'm at a loss really.  

My husband and I battle because at times I get mad at SD because I don't understand why out of anyone else she was flirting with at the time - why would she even think of doing this with my son... why she didn't even think that was gross....especially someone she was raised with since she was 5 years old.  I don't get it.  I struggle sometimes about it.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  This is when my husband will get very upset with me.  I just can't control my feelings about it.... he doesn't understand when I flip flop.  I know my son was wrong - I end up blaming her too.  

Just any advise from anyone that has anything similar would be great and again, I'm having faith that no one will judge or think bad of me about what my son has done.  We again, have lost alot of friends about all this and we live in a small town so we are isolated out alot.  That's why we are moving here soon.  The last 2 years have been stressful and even with my SD going back to school here - the children here have made fun of her and been cruel.  Yep the schools know - all the kids in the 3 high schools here - since both of them were still in school it got spread around really fast.  

So so stressful and so so depressing.

It's soooooo crazy!  I feel so weak... I am so not the type of person that let's things weigh me down.  This is probably the most testing thing I have been through in me whole life.  I thought my divorce was bad or when my son was diagnosed as Bipolar was bad.  This just adds to the roller coaster ride of my life.  

I guess I have to start from the beginning to even understand how we are where we are today.  As I mentioned earlier, my situation is very complex with alot of moving elements.  My last 10 years with my husband and family situation has had a whirlwind of conflict that I don't understand how we are still married.  I think it's because of God and our faith and my husband's dedication that he only wants to be married once. I just don't know how we can make it through this next stage aside with God.  

My son was arrested in Dec 2012.  He's a pretty good kid aside for the fact that he has anger issues and was diagnosed as bipolar at age 7 or 8.  Looking back at everything and the signs of things over the years, I always saw this day coming I hate to say.  I always thought it would be beating up someone not for what he was in trouble for.  

Also, after having the PO do an investigation before sentencing my son told him things I never even knew about which broke my heart even more.... makes me know that my inner thoughts of him being possible sexually abused where most likely true.  

Makes me feel like I didn't do enough.  My family says I got him every know help to man - counseling, intake centers, anger management courses.  He never did without at all.  I always blame myself for the 1st 5 years of his life not having my act together and being a drunk and druggie.  However, I have been sober longer than I was those things for him.  

I first starting seeing strange things with his behaviour as young as a year old.  I lived in another state at the time my ex was in the military and the daycare called me out of work to their location.  They were trying to change his diaper and he was having a fit and wouldn't let anyone touch him or change his diapers.  The facility manager told me this is usually a sign of potential sexual abuse.  I was distraught..... I called my ex screaming at him and his girlfriend and took him to the doc.  Doc couldn't and didn't see anything.  Nothing was ever reported and I just was really a mess back than.  My ex was abusive physically and mentally.... very controlling and even though we were seperated and going through a divorce... he still tried to manipulate me and everything in my life.  Sad to say I tried to move home to Detroit and after spending a year or two there I was just so unhappy.  I got really involved in drugs and was already a heavy drinker.  I had to get treatment.  That is how I ended up in Georgia.  A friend of mine from the military lived here where I am - I loved the environment and thought it would be a better place to raise my son than in Detroit.  It was the best move I ever made.  My son lived with my ex for a year while I was in treatment.  

THAT unfortunately was the worst mistake I ever made.  I didn't have a really supportive family and my mother refused to take my son while I tried to get clean.  I was left without options but to send him to his father.  He emotionally abused and physically abused my son.  As for the potential sexual abuse, there is someone there in that family on my ex's side that has been doing something to the kids there... I know it... I just have no proof and the only one that is going to be able to shed light to it will be my son or his other cousins or half sister there.  Found out from the PO alot of stuff happened there in the year I left him there.  I think this is where alot of my guilt is for sending him there.... I have a hard time forgiving myself for being so weak and screwed up back than.  

Anyways, I started him in counseling in Michigan before moving him with his dad.  He had HUGE anger issues.  He would hit teachers, spit at teachers, was reckless and learn cuss words unfortunately from my young cousins who lived with me.  He had no respect for authority.  Was just a bad environment for him and I was a mess.  Was kicked out of 3 daycares.... and was asked not to start him in Kindergarten because I was told he was just not emotionally mature enough yet.  

When I finally was settled in Georgia after getting clean, I was able to buy a house, move him back with me within a year.  We started going to church and I though life would just get better from there.  I was wrong.  I might of gotten myself together but my son was not.  His anger issues was more intense.  Where at 5-6 years old was physically abusing me.  Throwing things at me, biting me, spitting at me, threatening me with knives, running away.  He ran away from elementary school more times than I could count.  When we would chase him, he would laugh... he thought it was funny.  Even to the point police were called to the school and he was throwing rocks at police and was violent to teachers.  The police put him in the back of the police car, which you would think would scare him, NOPE... he started kicking the windows, spitting on the windows and kicking the screen in the back seat.  The police told me I had his permission to whip his tail..... I told him it wouldn't work.  Needless to say, at 6 years old was suspended from the last 2 weeks of school.  With the counseling I was given him, it just was not enough.  I knew I had a HUGE problem on my hands.  I had him committed to a mental health facility for a whole summer.  He was intake for about 2 months and outpatient another month.  They told me he is Bipolar since I do have a history of mental illness in my family.  My father's mother is Scizophrenic and his grandfather had some type of mental illness.  He tried to murder my grandmother and great grandmother and hung himself in the city jail when i was 4.  

Anyways, what I think is funny is that the prosecution for my son's case trys to say... the one doc my son went to about 3 times and he never was honest with - is an expert and she says my son is not bipolar... I laughed when she said this in sentencing. I fully feel the justice system failed my son and that we didn't have a great attorney.  That's beside the point... my son is mentally ill to some capacity.. just not sure it's bipolar or something else.  I am sure the abuse he substained at a young age also has something to do with all his behaviour.  

After getting him on meds, he was a different boy.  He would listen he did well in school and he excelled.  He was always doing well as long as he took his meds.  My only complaint is that he was hyper sexual at a young age.  The docs told me this was normal for bipolar... I kept telling them I thought he was sexually abused but they said unless my son would discuss it in session, nothing could be done.  I feel that something was lost here..... something more should of been done.

In any case, that brings me to meeting my current husband at church.  I prayed and prayed for a man that would love my son like his own and would understand his mental illness and be an asset to my life.  God answered my prayers.  My husband is awesome and probably more than I deserve.  He has been understanding and loving to my son even though he is not his father.  He always tried to reach to him which my son was not really receptive of people.  He didn't trust he would stay.  After about a couple years... he opened up more to him.  My husband also has a daughter he was raising that he raised alone since she was 6 months old.  My husband understood mental illness because his daughters mother is also Bipolar amongst other things.  She has never raised her daughter.  

I was the most happiest person in the world and so felt like my world was turning for the better.  2004-2006 were the happiest times in my life.  

Around 2007, let's just say the first poo hit the fan!  SD mother started wanting to come around more and more..... so we slowly started trusting her since she was off drugs and was getting treatment for mental illness. SD mom lived with her mom.  So we took a leap of faith and let SD go visit with her at Christmas of 2006.  

My SD was diagnosed with ADHD in school about 2nd or 3rd grade when we noticed distraction issues early on and she was not excelling in school like she should.  We knew her mom was so we had her treated as such.  She visit her mom and by that April of 2007 we received a call from social services.  That my son was touching my SD inappropriately.  They are 4 years and 2 mos apart so she was at the time 7 or 8 at the time and so that would of made him 11 or 12. HORRIBLE situation..... problem was everything she was saying wasn't making sense... nothing was consistent and the call came from her mother stating SD told her in december but we were just finding out in April...??  great!!  Anyways, it was investigated looked into and nothing could be proven.  The most they could say for sure is that they would wrestle rough and that my son would moon her and she didn't like him being rough with her.  We took them both to counseling and never was mentioned again.  We locked her doors at night and I was half tempted to send my son back to his dads but knew from the previous experience that was not an option.  

2007 to 2012 went without incident.  My son disliked her from that point on, wouldn't talk to her.  Wouldn't have anything to do with her and was at times downright mean to her.  I would have to consistently get after him for his actions.  Now, please understand during this time.  He still had anger issues:  2007 to 2012. I had to call the police on him I don't know how many times for fights he and I would have.  Violence when my husband wasn't there.  He was more reserved when my husband was there but it would still happen.  I hate to say, my son is a manipulator and abuser of woman.  

When he met his baby's mother she was 14 and he was 15.  They dated about 6 months before she ended up pregnant.  During her pregnancy I found out he was abusing her.  Physically and mentally.  There was alot of tension because I would tell her parents and she was tell her parents I was lying.  They believed her.  It ended up to the point eventually that I kicked my son out because alot of their fighting would happen here at my home and I would no longer support the relationship.  He moved in with her family.  About 6-7 months later is when my son was arrested.  

Well.... this is alot to take in... so that is why I am doing this in two parts.  My son has alot mental and emotional issues and my fear is that prison is not going to get him the help he needs.  He is only 19 and he can so much get this under control with the proper help.  I again still feel the system failed him.  

Already starting to cry.

Samuel. The name means "Asked or received of God," and, interestingly, he was the only one of our four children who was planned. Of course, all were wanted. 

I was so delighted to have a second son. He was the most beautiful newborn I had ever seen. He grew into a child who was friendly, curious, imaginative, and always smiling. His smile. I see it inside my eyelids, inside my heart, no matter what else I see. That beautiful Sam smile.

He was not an easy child, though not because of difficult behavior. He had asthma. I learned to wake at that cough, to reach for the nebulizer before the dream was gone from my bleary eyes. He had speech problems that were severe, and speech therapy from professionals did not help. So I figured out how I made all those sounds and painstakingly described the location of my lips, my tongue, when I blew air, all of that to his little five-year-old self. Hours upon hours were spent with us together, working on his speech. And we went through the same thing with his reading; despite a bright, maybe brilliant, mind, his severe dyslexia complicated his learning process and made him question himself. 

He and I. Our bond is so deep--I know you all get that. He always wanted to protect me. So he protected me from knowing about the painful experiences inflicted upon him by a family "friend."

He knows how to love, but he learned to hate himself. 

He learned how to hurt himself. He cut. He drank. He used substances to dull his pain.

Oh, my Sam, I would gladly take your pain myself, if only I could, tenfold. I pray that you can feel my love for you now, that maybe, in this horrifying place where you are now, you will come to yourself and an understanding of your endless worth. I loved you from the moment I saw your heartbeat on the fetal monitor when you were less than one inch long, and I'll love you as long as there is a me.

Mother,

 I have heard your prayers about letting your child go. Trust Me, you are not abandoning your child, as much as it feels like it. You are simply transferring your child's well being from your care to Mine.

 It was never my intentions for you to direct, guide or control your child's life. That is My role. In the beginning, yours was to love, protect and teach; and you have done just that. But this child was never yours to keep.

  To find peace, you must let this child go. Your stubborn self-will, will only get in way of the plans I have for this child.

  I know it was not you intention to interfere, but you are. You are not all wise and powerful. You cannot love your child to wellness, success or happiness. Only I can do that.

 You must trust that I care for your child's well-being. You must trust that I love this child more than your humanly love. My thoughts, My ways, My plans are bigger than you can comprehend or fathom. Life is so short; don't waste so much time in worry and fear.

 Yes, your child may make wrong choices and the results may be painful. That is not My intention, but it is your child's choice. He must learn to seek Me, and have a relationship with  Me. Only then can I work in his life. I will not force Myself on your child or on you. I want to be involved in your lives, but only to the degree that you let me. We both know what a struggle it has been for you to trust completely in Me.

 You cannot make it easier for your child to trust Me. This child must find his own way to me, in his own time and to the best of his ability. Let your child do that. Get out of the way. Love your child as My child, the way I love you. But let go, so this child can become the person I planned.

 We are in this together. You can come to Me anytime to tell Me your worries, concerns and hope. I will listen-I always have, though I may choose to be silent. That is My way of stretching you and helping you to grow.

 I know you love your child and I love you for that. But ultimately this is My child and I know what is best for this child-and you Entrust your child to me\Me and you will grow; you will find a new peace. You have so much in your own life to live for, therefore, focus on growing yourself and let Me worry about this child.

                       Loving you always

                         Your Father In Heaven

 PS, I do not know who sent this to me, I just came across this letter and wanted to share it with all of you, Please read it, reread it and read it again. I hope you get as much out of it that I did and do, love you all

A few weeks ago I thought I would die but things are going so much better now. I am not sure how but we bailed my son out with 5000$$ and he is in rehab for 3 months. He will then be at my house under house arrest. He looks better than ever and I got to see him today and hug him for a minute. It's my birthday and you know how you are only as happy as your happiest child? Well things are going fine. He has a new Public Defender who I am not sure how good he is but I can't control anything, so I am giving it up to God. Thank you all for being here when I lost my mind and my sons mug shot was all over the place. It's funny but I have not got one call from my birth family and the only support I had was my sons boss and one BFF and my Native American half brother who I recently met. This sort of thing really shows you who has your back. Blessings on your families!

Just got a phone call that my father in law had a massive heart attack.  I have no way to get to the hospital and have my two 2 year old grandsons for the day.  And how do I tell Corey this? 

Today is a hard day, 9 years ago today I lost my mom so that makes it not a great day anyway and then Coreys lawyer was supposed to be there yesterday or today to talk to him and hopefully get him home....BIG MISTAKE telling him that, he had a family emergency and couldnt make it  but told us he will be there by Monday, but of course Corey doesn't understand that  he wants him there NOW.  I told him, he has to be patient and wait, calling and bugging and begging and pleading with the lawyer is not going to do any good.  So doesn't look like he will be home at least this week  but still hoping for sometime next week.  But I learned a HUGE lesson today, do NOT tell him anything until I know it for a fact.

I have seen my son twice since December 2,2103.  He is in a federal holding facility in Chickasha Ok.  We wait and wait, but  never hear much from the Federal government or the lawyer.  Drugs are terrible.  When he was arrested he weight about 145lbs.  Now he is at 205lbs approx.  I HATE to say this but, being incarcerated saved his life.  The drugs would have killed him one way or another.  His birthday was last week, so hard to not have him here.  I don't talk about it much, but tonight I am missing him so very much.  I pray that time moves quickly and brings everyone home where they belong.  Good night all, thanks for listening

My son Joshua Rhodes is receiving his birthday cards from everyone.  I cant tell you how much I appreciate this.  I just received a letter from him expressing his gratitude.  You moms are truly amazing.  They have bounced my son around from place to place so I wasnt sure if he would ever receive anything but he did so thanks again to all you AMAZING MOTHERS for always supporting eachother.  You have been a blessing to me and very thankful for this originations.

Sincerely,

Len Rhodes

Thank you Moms for your support and kind words. My story was difficult to post but it was a baby step into healing. I needed to share. I have learned so much about the media and they will say anything to sell a story. I learned about the injustice inside a court room. I learned how Judges, DA, PD's and others who called themselves Officer's of the Law are not truthful. I learned how my son's evidence was changed and tampered with.  This was a horrible tragedy. A tragedy that was not intentional. A tragedy because my son and his good friend were planning a life together and she didn't want him using and he thought he could  stop by himself. His neighbors said his door always open. The good guy. The peacemaker.  He was just starting to learn how to be a Life Coach. We just don't know when our lives can change in a second.  My son's attorney wants to appeal many of the rulings but the money has run out. As I should be retiring I will have to go back to work after I move to be nearer my son.  My son from the beginning has had a remorseful heart and I will pray daily the mom learns forgiveness. My heart is heavy with sadness for everyone. I don't know what God's plan is but we will accept whatever it is and it will be a journey we will walk together as long as God permits.

his is my sons address if any one would like to write to him

Nick Comment DOC# 245344 Dorm 7
Westville Correctional Facility
5501 South 1100 West
Westville, Indiana 46391

I joined MISS over 1 ½ yrs ago. My journey is not like most of yours, but I can now tell my story as difficult as it is. It is still raw. I joined to see and listen to other moms and their journeys. I wasn’t really an active Mom on here ( I was in shock and grieving) but enjoyed joining in with the Holiday Card List.  I am going to be 65, divorced and live alone. I worked for almost 16 years as a Supervisor as a vendor for a retail company as well as did my son. We were extremely close but I worked on the north side and he was on the south side. My oldest daughter has lived in Ireland for the past 14 yrs and I have 6 grandchildren, two of them are autistic and the last baby is down syndrome. My daughter is a wonderful mom. My son is the middle child. He is the most compassionate, sensitive and always looking out for the underdog. He is an artist, painter and photographer but has worked for his company as a Regional Mgr for the past 16 yrs. He doesn’t have any enemies, everyone loves him. My youngest is my daughter who recently married and graduated from college with her Master’s degree and now working as a Social Worker.

On August 18^th a year ago, my daughter married. My son proudly gave her away in marriage and just cried. He brought a close friend he has known for the last 6 years to the wedding.  It was a lovely wedding and everyone was so happy. My son’s friend were talking about moving in with him. She was having issues at home. Her mother had remarried and the stepmother and her didn’t get along. She stayed at my son’s home 6 out of the 7 days but went home in the late evenings. They were a wonderful couple. She also worked as his Team Leader.

My son was born premature. The chord was wrapped around his neck and it delayed his speaking. He said his first word at age 3. By age 5 he was seeing Speech Therapist due to severe stuttering. He also had language and reading disabilities and was in special classes for them. He was a boy who was bullied yet was a sponge for learning. His 5^th grade teacher (which I just found out) used to start his class stuttering, making fun of my son. My son never told me. We didn’t have names back then but I knew my son was ADD and possibly autistic.  He excelled in math and science and the arts. In high school he was the “funny” guy, the guy who ran the assemblies, and even became Prom King. He still was a stutter but admired by all. His home life though was another story. My husband around the age of 10 started to become abusive to me and my son. He would on several occasions beat him when I was at work. Once I had to leave my job (I had worked at a hospital) when I got the call from my then youngest daughter. He verbally and emotionally abused the girls. My husband suffered from PTSD from the Army then turned to alcohol. We separated then he walked out of the children’s lives and never looked back.  I never thought my son would graduate let alone go to college but he did and got his BFA at a prestigious art school. While he was in HS he started to smoke marijuana. I didn’t know for the longest time and when I found out I always told him not to do it. He said it calmed him down. He wasn’t a big drinker, occasionally a few beers here or there. Six months before the wedding he wanted to get healthy. He was also a positive person and really big into the Answer and Law of Attraction. He began juicing and lost 40 lbs in 6 mos. His friend wanted him to stop marijuana because she was 6mos pregnant. The baby was not his but he offered to be the baby’s father and love the child like his own. They were getting a nursery together before the wedding. He stopped cold turkey week  before the wedding. He started to have horrible nightmares and insomnia. He started to have a few beers to calm him down. I never knew this was what he was doing because if I had known I would have told him he needed to go to rehab. He thought he could do this himself. He later told me he read it would take 16-28 days and thought he could handle it.

I have learned our lives can change in a second. As I said the wedding was beautiful. He took his friend a few days early to a resort so she could enjoy the lakes and scenery as she was under stress from her friends dropping her because she wouldn’t get an abortion and the stress from her mother and step mother. At the reception, it was open bar. My son was drinking like everyone else having a good time dancing and enjoying himself. At the end of the evening my daughter and myself were concerned with his friend driving home and she said she would be fine but he had too much to drink to drive. Then the unthinkable happened. The next morning I was called and had to meet the police. My son had murdered his friend. One minute I am celebrating a wedding the next I couldn’t put in words. My son and his friend came back to hotel and she went to bed. He started to have black outs and drinking more. What really was happening as we later found out was he was withdrawing from the marijuana and consuming a deadly amount of alcohol. She has woke up and he started to have conversation, he only remembers his hands around her neck but nothing more. He passed out in the hot tub and when he woke up he couldn’t believe she wasn’t alive. He tried to commit suicide but it didn’t work. The first trial he had it was a mistrial. They tried to charge him for 1^st degree intentional but the jurors didn’t agree. The money ran out. He then had to have PD’s. but this town was politically corrupt and a month before the trial they were still a no show. I had researched a trial lawyer who was top of the line and was a Super Lawyer every year. He was really interested and we worked out a deal. Because I had no money. I sold my father’s home. I wanted my son to have a fair trial. He was also charged with 3^rd degree sexual assault but there was NO findings on this but the DA was someone I never could call a human being. He lied, he was dramatic, he told the first attorney that he had just lost a big case and my son’s case was going down within 5-10 min of a jury deliberation. He was wrong and now more vengeful than ever not to mention the JUDGE. He was as equally dishonest. We found out the the PD’s were planted to be a “no show” for the mere purpose of him winning the 2^nd trial. They were going to show up after 16 mos to say they were not prepared and the judge was going to say they had enough time to prepare and the trial would have ended that way. As many moms have learned there is so much corruption. What they didn’t expect is to have another attorney surface. When the Super Attorney went in front of the judge to get an extension the judge told him no. We had written certified letters to the judge about the PD’s and their responses but no feed back. When I was finally able to sell my father’s home it was 6wks before the trial. The judge denied the motion even though the lawyer had prepared a 9 page letter with statues and so forth for my son to have a fair trial. The judge said the only way was to take the case in the next 6 weeks of which he could not due to other cases. When he met my son and studied the case he knew there were too many things illegal and told my son he was going to get him another outstanding lawyer if he was able to clear his schedule. The judge was shocked when the lawyer stated he was going to take the case. He worked day and night and spent his Easter wk at the jail and everyday for  11 hrs with my son. He had is investigator. He knew immediately my son’s confession was tampered with along with the Sheriff’s investigator. The lawyer said it would take him 3 yrs for this case but he was going to do the best he could. He did. The DA still was a snake. My son’s previous attorney even came. The issue was the jury. The jury as older folks, not professional people. The DA showed pictures of the fetus before and after birth. There was a lot more going on but I told my son after finding out about the PD’s and how the DA and Judge was connected I had to hire an outstanding attorney for a fair trial. This tragic accident would never have happened if he hadn’t just stopped using marijuana after 18 years and drank alcohol to the tune of nearly alcohol poisioning.

The Judge would not allow the attorney to have his expert witnesses. Only one could speak but not give his findings. Both of the experts stated that in no way could this be intentional with the alcohol and withdrawing of marijuana….it was a deadly combination that he could not be responsible for his actions.

Although the new attorney sited the changing of his statements, tampering of the evidence and many more he was found guilty just after 2.5 hrs of 2 counts of 1^st degree intentional homicide. I found out how grief is different for all of us. The press tore this apart as did the victims family. You would try to show compassion and understanding but  the deception was overwhelming. I remained silent while this went on. My daughter’s mother in law when this first happened tried to tell her son to divorce my daughter. She later went to meet with the victims family and went to the DA earlier this year to say my daughter lied on the stand. She wasn’t even at the trial nor did she know my son or his friend. My daughter and her son disowned her but my daughter said she is extremely evil and was afraid of her as the worked together at the same hospital. My daughter was extremely vulnerable and ended up calling the DA to say she didn’t lie and before you know it she was involved with the victim’s family. Sadly, she sat on their side at the trial and as the lawyer and family members said she was being sucked into this all because of the in law and her job. She has severed our relationship because of the pain. I feel like I lost 2 children. My son is extremely remorseful and said if he didn’t stop using then this would not have happened. I am home now only 2 days and now have to wait until sentencing where my son will go away for life. Through this all he said, “Mom is just want every one to have kindness and forgiveness.” I have no one except my nephew and my son’s former counselor who came to the  trial every day. Incidentally, she was fired after the first trial and wasn’t allowed to testify at the second trial. She knew too much. Most of my story is told but the sadness and heavy heart is the worst pain I will ever feel. I will be moving to wherever he goes. I have to. I cannot let him have this journey alone. At sentencing I will finally be able to speak. I want the victim’s mom to know as mom’s I understand her pain but I will always love my son unconditionally. I hope I am not judged here but it is healing to tell finally tell my son’s story. His counselor said I have a story to get out there and when time is ready I need to write a book. I have to live my son’s philosophy ANON….alway’s now only now. I have to learn take one day at a time. I am always worrying about the future for my son.  My son writes poetry and soon I will put on his poem before the and during the trial. If anyone wants to send him only positive thoughts I will give out his address. I am still in a terrible shocking state of mind and is hard to cope by oneself, but thank you for allowing me to get my story out there and hopefully I will not be judged.

My daughter cleaned out Coreys car over the weekend, can someone tell me ifI am loosing my mind or something because there was a pair of pants he wore the day before he was arrested in there, they are all dirty and muddy (hes a landscaper) but I cannot bring myself to wash them because they still smell like him.

wondering how did u all hold it together, how did u not let the other children suffer due to your sadness hurt and fear  over your incarcerated son when u are so consumed with him . How did u help the other children deal with this situation and there own hurt or anger .

Finally the prison opened the phones for mothers day till 6pm my poor baby had to wait in line for 5 hours just to call me but it was the best 15 minutes ever thank u God for answered prayers.they will be on lock down another 3 months so that was my miracle 15 minutes for a long time