I got to see my son today. I was so happy to be able to hug him. I wanted to thank everyone for commenting on my last post. I have been very sick and havent been online and Thursday morning my boyfriend had to call rescue for me and I was admitted into the hospital for a day and a half. I have been diagnosed with COPD, and at age 41 hopefully I can slow the progress of this disease some. The whole time I was being treated all I could think about was my son and my daughter. Really scared me but I am going to get through all of this.
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I sit here thinking about my son, and thinking of how sick he was as a baby. I cannot count the number of times I credited God for saving him, and that was just for the extreme asthma. All the other times, that mothers of boys know about, too. Dare-deviling on his bike, acting crazy on a skateboard, you name a brazen boy thing, and he did it. I think of all of that, and then I'm here. Right here. Here wondering what the reasons are. I have always been a believer in everything being for a reason. Was he saved through all that he came through to wind up where he is? I don't think so, even if that is my fear. He's my handsome, smart boy! I'm not proud of everything he has done, but I sure love him very much. I don't know how long he will be gone from me. No matter how long, it will be too long. It will be too long, no matter. I love my son. Love him so much.
My son called me the other day and got upset with me and the call ended with a hang up. I feel so bad when this happens as I cant call him back to make sure he is okay. I have been so sick the past couple of weeks with a kidney infection and havent been able to write to him much or get much of anything done. I just hope he knows I love him and that I always will love him and nothing will ever change that.
I am new to this web site, my son who has severe cognitive, learning and physical disabilities. He is 38 but has the maturity of a 14-16 year old. He was sent to prison Dec 20, 13 forr six years with no early release. Three judges refused to hear the case the DA finally found one that would. A 14 year old girl accused him of assaulting her (touching). She wanted to move her 19 year old boyfriend in with my son and his roommate, who is her father and had visitation. She has accused a variety of men of doing this to her even teachers but this was not allowed into court. She is now a ward of the state as no one can handle her. She used to jump on my sons lap and ask for a ride, so in the end when he was asked if he ever touched her, he said yes, he was afraid of a 40 year sentence. The judge did not believe his own psychological profile and said he was a lyre and a whole lot of things. He is incarcerated in Wisconsin if anyone has any experience.
I haven't received my list yet for November birthday cards. Does anyone know if they been sent out yet?
NO WORDS
Just sent out my Halloween cards Friday to 3 of your ladies sons.....it feels so good to send them something to brighten their day and know we are all here rooting for them, especially during the holidays. I know my son had already received a card and he just sounded happier that day like it renewed his strength so thank you to whomever did that for him :) Already signed up for the Thanksgiving cards. Come on ladies lets flood these boys with some cards. It's these things that mean so much to them.....it really does help. :)
It is so hard not being able to give my son a hug and kiss everyday. Since August 2013 he has not been with me and everyday it just seems to get harder. He was recently transferred from the city jail to prison. I use to could see him every weekend but since he is further away its been hard. I finally got to see him last weekend and got to give him hug and kiss for the first time in over a year. He may be an adult but to me he is still my baby boy.
Thank you all for the warm welcomes and Birthday wishes. I don't get on here too often. I help my husband with his Company Business. I am thankful I found you, and I thank God for helping me with each and every day.
This is just one of those days when I don't want to even get dressed or face anything..and I better get it together cuz I have to work later this afternoon. No energy, guess I'm having my own little pity party..lol..Some days it is so hard just to keep going.
My son still seems to have not adjusted well, just wondering how long it will take. I think it is the change of being moved..he does not do well with change. He says his depression is awful. Did talk him into seeing a doctor there. He says he has an appt. with a psychiatrist in there tomorrow, so hoping they can up his meds or talk with him or something. I realize there is no magic pill to make him feel better tho. It just don't seem like he is adjusting. He says there are so many different races and they all stick together. He is used to having friends of all different races, but apparently in prison it's not like that. He just sounds so sad when I hear his voice..hope he feels better soon.
9 December 2013 The Captain allowed us fifteen minutes with him, still in intensive care secret room and still shackled to the bed. His eyes were open and I immediately started pulling back covers and checking him over. Red splotches on his scalp, hair is matted and tangled badly, bruises, but I do not see any broken bones or lacerations. He can not speak, temperature down to 101, no movement on left side. I ask for the floor doctor and he came in, they have done another MRI, he has a spot on his brain but they don't know what it is or why it's there, lumbar puncture didn't show anything. He is receiving antibiotics and anti-seizure meds. I try to hold it together while with him, he looks at me for help and I can't help. My heart feels like it is going to leave my body. Fifteen minutes are up, we have to leave. I get out of the room but can't make it down the hall, my legs are like jelly and I can't get my breath. Here we were back in the same damn parking lot with a massive feeling of helplessness and heartache. Home again to the darkness of a mother without access to her child. Call the Captain on the 10th, nope can't see him today call me tomorrow. I ask is Trey better, Capt says he has no idea. Click. My mind would not function. Forgot to sleep, eat, had to make myself breathe. Call Capt. next day(11th) and he agreed to let us see Trey. Always an leo waiting to escort us to intensive care and sit beside my shackled to the bed, to sick to move son. He was trying to say Moma, he couldn't get the last syllable out. Tears falling from all three of us. I could see my son in that body again. No floor doctor available tonight. No movement on left side, temperature down to 100, I noticed fluids hanging on the IV pole. I am beginning to start looking and reading anything in his room for info. He can squeeze my hand with his right hand. Fifteen minutes are up and back to that parking lot where I can look at the building knowing my precious gift from God is sick and scared beyond measure and I can't help him at all. Call Capt the next day(12th), no we can't see him. People are beginning to notice that his father and I, we've been divorced since 2003, are together a lot and neither of us have much to say to anyone else. We decide to tell some very close family members. They understand that they are not to call or try to see him, very difficult for his grandmother and aunt. I am a broken and deeply depressed person with only one thing in my life,for my son to get better. What happened, how did this happen, one question after another floods my mind and I am unable to function, bills unpaid, appointments not kept, just don't care about anything but Trey's well being. Call the Capt. we can see him today(13th). Same routine, meet the leo in the lobby and follow him. Trey can speak slowly, no movement on the left side, temperature normal, headaches, beginning some oral fluids, removed some life support apparatus and will be stepped down to another secret room. I am so very happy that he is able to communicate. He is beginning to remember what happen but is weary of the leo that's with us. Fifteen minutes are up, we have to leave. Made it down the hall and to the car before the wave took over. It takes as much time to get straightened out after seeing him as I get to spend with him. Home to the darkness and questions, but I am breathing. Call the Capt. on the 14th, nope can't see him. Another day of worry and questions, my brain does not want to think but I can't help it. I am wishing my life away every other day. Call the Capt(15th) yes we can see him. He is in a different secret room. His color is better, he is moving his fingers on the left side, he is eating soft foods, I am elated. I ask the guard if I could comb his hair and cut his nails, No. Trey says he has been sick since Thursday(5th). High fever and diarrhea, he remembers laying on the floor because it was cooler and urinating in his pants, he was to sick to sit up. The leos strapped him to a chair with wheels, naked, push him to the shower and put soap in his hand, he was unable to use the soap so they just hosed him off, put clean suit on him and back in the cell alone. Friday(6th) He's back on the floor where it's cooler and they just leave him. These leo's have to check each cell at least once an hour. Saturday(7th) morning all he remembers is hearing a leo tell the nurse "If you don't call them I will" and he knew he was dying. Fifteen minutes are up, have to leave. Back to the bad place(parking lot) Why, would any one human let another lay there that sick and do nothing? My mind is racing, my brain has went from not functioning to overdrive. How do I process this information, that seems unimaginable. So very thankful that he is better. Call the Capt.(16th) can't see Trey, he will be released tomorrow, back to jail. I can't book a visit til he is back in jail and they have to have twenty-four hours notice. I will not see him the day he leaves the hospital. Call the Capt today(17th), we can see him, he will be there til tomorrow(18th). When we see him he is up walking, still can't use his left side from shoulder down to fingers, left leg drags and he is covered in a rash all over. They give him a pneumonia vaccine and he was allergic to it. Still can't use a comb or nail clippers. I had called ahead and had pastoral care get a healthcare power of attorney ready and call when we were on the way. They came in and got that took care of. Now I can get his medical records. He will be leaving tomorrow. When I ask leo about his condition he said Trey was detoxing (detoxing DOES NOT cause fever). Trey says he will call home as soon as he can tomorrow. I am so angry, happy, sad, joyful, worried and relieved. Thank God he is better but why would they let this happen. Trey is transported back to jail on December 18th, 2013
December 3, 2013 forever changed my life. My only child Trey(27), was arrested and put under $600,000 bond. I was at Myrtle Beach when I got the call and actually thought about jumping off the balcony. I knew it was going to be bad for a long time. He had been in trouble before but nothing with prison time. I left the beach late that night and came home for his first appearance on the 4th. Our superior court uses video for inmates, he did not even know I was there at the time. After the judge read all seventeen stacked drug charges and the time that goes with it he was appointed a lawyer. After court I scheduled my sister a visit for the 5th, his father a visit for the 6th and both of us for the 7th. I went back to the beach to pack up, collect other family members and check out. My sisters visit was cancelled after she got there, Trey was to sick for a visit. His fathers visit was cancelled by phone, Trey was in the infirmary. On the 7th about noon I get a call from the local hospital, asking for my permission to do a lumbar puncture and a MRI on Trey(why couldn't he give permission). They refuse to tell me anything about him, just needed my permission. I said yes and they hung up. I am in a full blown panic, I call the detention center, they will not tell me anything and inform me that if I go to the hospital, he'll be moved and no one will know where. After pacing and worrying for five hours the chaplain calls his father and says the sheriff called him to call us and we needed to get to the hospital, a officer will escort us to see our son and stay with us. We were there within thirty minutes and the officer took us to him. Horror engulfed me, my son has a temperature of 104, no movement on his left side, he's seizing and they had started life support but he was now breathing on his own, he can not communicate. They think he's had a stroke. I can't believe my eyes, on the video at court he seemed alright, that was just three days ago. I'm in shock, is he going to live? His father and I got to spend fifteen minutes with him and had to leave. Something broke in me that day, my heart, my mind and my body fought for my sanity in the hospital parking lot. We were told if we tell anyone and they call or try to see him there he would be moved away. How do you deal with such trauma without family or friends but we couldn't take the chance? His girlfriend, his grandmother, his great-grandmother, aunts and uncles could know nothing. I am losing my sanity in a dark lonely world, wondering if my son is going to survive. Screaming out loud in a car is deafening and I wanted to pass out because the pain was unbearable. Somehow we got home and out of the car. It is so hard to write about even now. We can not see him on the 8th but call the captain and ask about the 9th. I had to go forty eight hours of pure torture before I could see him or know if he was still living. A thousand thoughts and no sleep. You can not sleep wondering whether you'll see your child alive again. Captain told me to be grateful as he didn't have to let me see him at all or give me any access to his medical info since he's state property. As you can see we have such compassionate leo's. I called his lawyer on the 9th and told him that he was in the hospital and he said he'd see him when he got back to jail, damn court appointed lawyer. Such inhumane treatment of a mother with a son in critical condition in the intensive care secret room(no windows and still ankle cuffed to the bed)and the nurses treat him like a convict and us like we are bad parents. They are no help and refuse to talk to us. Got to survive so I can try and help my son, praying, screaming, crying, cussing, begging, pain, heartache and complete misery have taken me over. Thank God he's still alive when we get to go back on the 9th for fifteen minutes. My son's mug shot and my pride and joy unconditionally. I LOVE HIM
I just ordered my son 2 free inspirational books from this site written for prisoners. Go check it out!
Oh my God, just talked to my son, he just got moved out of the orientation unit to a permanent place and he is so depressed. He had been trying to call me all day and I was working outside and didn't hear my phone. When he finally got thru to me he was crying and telling me his depression is horrible. I just feel awful. I think it is because with his depression any change is so hard for him. He had gotten used to the past few months in orientation and had a job and made a few friends and had his tv. Now it is a brand new environment, he doesn't know anyone and is pretty shy. He has to wait for a cubicle and whatever to be open so he can have his tv. He just went there yesterday and doesn't know anyone and I think just everything is strange and the time he still has ahead of him is really hitting him. My God, what do you do but try to assure him things will get better and I love him and just wish I could do anything. I said I would try to come see him on Saturday but he said that will just make it worse. I had just been feeling better because he seemed better and now back to square one. This is so damn hard..don't know how we will ever get thru this. I just hate it. What can I do?
Thank you so much Susan M. for your post ! I am a new Mom on here. I do not have much time to be on the computer . Yet at lunch I check in a for a few minutes , it gives me courage the strength I need to continue to give of myself to the patients I work with daily. Blessings to you all . TAM
Is there any HELP for my son when his court appointed attorney have no idea whats going on in his case ?
