I joined M.I.S.S, in August of 2015,Im not here very often but when I am , I always find so much support and encouragement. (Im working on remembering to sign out, I don't want anyone to think I am being rude, when Im not really online, just forgot to sign out.) But for some reason I have been on here everyday for the last couple of weeks, I think Im just lonesome, I guess. Missing Seth more than usual, he turned 25 on the 14th, (which is a good thing cos it lowered his custody points), I did talk to him on his birthday and he received his gift. : )but today is the anniversary of his dads death, his dad died suddenly and unexpected in 2014, which started this awful mess we are in now. Even though Seth is the baby, he has always been a protector and my earthly rock, so when we got the call he immediately went into that mode and took charge. I was busy taking care of my dad with dementia,( he died 2 months later), that I let Seth handle all of this, I didn't even think about him I guess. Through it all, he lost his job,and couldn't seem to find anything, so he stayed home with the baby while his fiancé worked, he told me he was looking for a friend, someone who didn't put him down so much, so he found it online,(the detective was very encouraging and complimentary through text), Im not saying what he did was right,just that I can understand how he got in the situation. I have allot of close family, and 5 other children, 2 of my daughters have gone to see Seth, and one of them writes to him often. The rest never even ask about him. I know they care though, they just don't want to make me sad., or that's what they say. Im sure that's right. I told Seth one day on the phone how nothing was fun for me anymore, that I didn't feel right to enjoy anything when he couldn't, his reply was "Stop that mom, you did nothing to put me here, and it will break my heart to think that because of what happened to me, I have let It ruin your life. This will be over eventually" and I know he is right. Some days it doesnt seem like it will ever be over. In 2012 my 3 year old grandson was diagnosed with leukemia, and through all those times near death ER runs, it seemed like it would never end, but thank you Jesus, we celebrate end of chemo treatments next month, he is alive and at the top of his class. So I know it will happen. Like I said, I guess Im just lonesome, I know I am blessed I have Seths baby girl living with us and she is a carbon copy of Seth,she keeps me on my toes. I was able to talk to and hug my son in November,so I know I shouldn't be having such a pity party right now , but I am ,here I am 55 years old, and I am missing my dad and my son so much today, I cant seem to get anything done. I read all of these posts of mothers who haven't seen their sons in years, your journey is so much harder and longer than mine is, you ladies are in my prayers. Praying for you to have the extra strength you need, that you can feel Gods comfort, and for peace that passes all understanding, and for your sons protection wherever he is and that he will know and feel Gods love. May this journey get easier for all of us. God Bless.
