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My son Joshua is incarcerated at the Gus Harrison Facility in Adrian, MI where there are 2 seperate populations. Those suffering from various types of mental illness and those without. The population of those without are allowed to drink their morning or afternoon coffee freely while those who suffer from a mental illness cannot have one single sip of coffee. It is such a blanket one size fits all policy from the administration of the residential treatment team stating coffee is harmful and cannot be consumed by those with a mental illness. This is (excuse my saying) horse shit. I was diagnosed in the 1990's with bi-polar depression, I am on medication and I drink coffee every single day of my life without any adverse effects. 

My son, and the other inmates have tried unsuccessfully to have their coffee rights reinstated. I have personally written to the residential treatment team protesting this one size fits all mentality only to receive back from them that they have the right to choose what is harmful to those entrusted in their care. If you believe that those in the residential treatment program at Gus Harrison should be allowed to have coffee (whether it's a limited or unlimited amount) please voice your opinion by signing my petition at:

www.change.org/p/michigan-department-of-corrections-end-discrimination-at-the-gus-harrison-facility-of-the-mentally-ill

The inmates will appreciate your support. Thank you all.

I called the prison and finally able to speak with someone. The unit team person, he was very nice and expressed to me that my son was fine. He said he is in segregation and that some do not do well with 5 or cellies. I explained to him what my son said happened and he said he is going to see about moving him to the east wing (this is where I thought he would be anyway, since he is low med.) The east wing is lower security. SO we will see what happens. I realize as parents we have to make aware to the prisons that our sons are not just another number and that they have family and friends who care about them. I will be checking in and documenting every phone call. 

So upset, I received a letter from my son today. He is in the hole for 45 days, after that he will be under restriction for 60 days because he had to plead guilty or get beat up. For some greenish-brown substance they found in the cell he shares with 4 others. They said it was K2…how do they get that stuff in there?

Then he tried to kill himself with a razor, said he woke up with iv and oxygen and had to have stitches. I am a chrisitan and believe in the power of prayer, so any prayer warriors out there, please pray!

The internet pages are filled with graduations and new beginnings!  We have very good friends who have fought hard for their kids to get a great education, scholarships that they always dreamed of, honor roll, academic and humanitarian award certificates, and so much more.  I really am so thrilled to see the fruits of all their efforts, the kids and parents.  And I found myself also so self-absorbed that I felt angry, cheated and sad.  I really didn’t expect to have that monster poke its head into my business.

I was frankly surprised at myself at my first reaction; thank God the second was grace.  I mentioned to my husband while in tears what had just happened and he simply commented that he didn’t have any reaction like that at all.  I sat with that for a piece.  Then I pondered it again and realized that In the beginning, I held up so strong for Greg, my husband and other sons who were all so mad they couldn’t be there for Greg, that I had no time to fall into the poor me, life is unfair bucket of emotions.  I had things to do, I had some fixing to get busy with, I had some people that needed my strength and in the end, it all washed down the drain anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I did help my husband see that anger wasn’t the only emotion and that it was just the other side of love.  I did support Greg in the pre-prison days while out on bail to get the help he needed so the addicted crazy person was two years in the past and a healthy man, who will survive this dammit, was sent to the custody of NCDOC.  But that doesn’t change that tonight I am so very sad and feel really cheated. 

I am also really mad that this joy, I want to be elated and excited about for my friends is also tarnished by this stupid, unjust, senseless system that rules our lives for the next many years. I want to shower them with sincere good wishes and my words, cards and etc. do just that but a piece of me wants to be celebrating this in my family too today.  It’s just not on my dance card this time around.

So I write my nightly letters and cards to my Greg and others, pretend all is well in this world out here, you know , like I am not skipping a beat so that he doesn’t beat himself up more for the pain he has caused.  And it will be okay, it has been so far but tonight I want to be preparing the celebration.  Do you think anyone will come if we celebrate Greg’s incarceration?  The anniversary next January? Send cards if he gets his “greens” and move to minimum?  Maybe I’ll post that online and see if I get all the congrats too.

Okay sorry for the sad rant.  I know you Mom’s get this.  Thanks for listening.

5/18/16

Hi Josh,

I hope this letter finds you well and in high spirits. I heard that you’ve been receiving some very negative messages from Officer June at a time when you’re already having a hard time. I’m sorry to hear that. If it’s true that he’s been telling you that you’ll never make it out, that you can’t make it on your own and other abusive talk…these things are a lie.

You are my brother and I know every good and decent thing about you. I have seen countless times that you have given the last of what you had to a stranger on the street. I have seen you give shelter to the homeless and feed them and clothe them. I have seen you give your last cigarette and your last dime…not to mention all of the words of encouragement you have given others including me. You are brave and funny in even the hardest situations. You have a huge heart. It’s larger than most people I have every come across. I grew up with you and I know a lifetime of your tears and your smiles as well as the abuses you’ve suffered. You don’t deserve anything but love and compassion. You don’t deserve anything but encouragement. Those that would be negative towards you (whether in a position of control or not) give what they have and unfortunately if someone is giving you negativity and pain, they must have a lot of negativity and pain themselves to inflict it. I have prayed for healing and loving energy to heal and dissolve whatever may be going on within and around Officer June. I pray for his highest good, for the good of his family, for the best atmosphere within that prison and for each person there to recognize the Light within themselves and others, to feel empowered and take self-responsibility for how they touch the world and each person in it.

No man (or woman) is an island, not you, not Officer June, not myself, and not anyone else in that place you’re in. I pray that each person’s eyes be fully open to the connectedness we all share and the power we each have to contribute something of value, encouragement, transformation, and decency. I know it can be easy to forget in a place that can feel so disempowering and negative but each of you is a Light in the darkness and if you just acknowledge it, it grows exponentially. There is a larger picture then what your human eyes see every day. No matter what your position you can influence and inspire everyone around you. Your mind can convince you of wonderful and horrible things but you are not your mind. You are the observer of your thoughts. You are that consciousness. Once you see that you can take control over your petty thoughts and rise to higher truths. Hitler wasn’t using his heart when he did all he did and had others do. He was using a mind that can convince us all that others are “less-than” us …because they’re Jews, because they’re Native Americans, because they’re not our religion, because they were convicted of a crime etc. but we are all the same and our heart knows that, as evidenced in our loving connections.  

I wish that every officer employed in that prison and all prisons was well educated on the Stanford psychology experiment regarding the effect prisons have on guards as well as inmates (even when they’re all only college students) and work to arm themselves against the effects of the way the prison system is set up. It’s a shame that the United States can’t take example from other countries that are truly reforming people/prisoners and growing them as people but if we have to continue with this sad example of “reform” it would be best if each and every person involved be reminded of their own Light and power, fully educated and self-responsible in their own actions and contributions not only to empower those they house to believe in a better and higher version of themselves but in doing so it empowers the guards and the world (remember the island idea). One person can make a difference. One person can change the lives of many. If you believe you have power, you do.

Try with all you can brother to be a Light for the guards. Be the Light I know you are. Remind everyone of who they truly are and what they can do if they choose to and use kindness, truth, and compassion. There is so much hurt in that place/prison. Just do your best to shine your Light and healing to those wounded around you. Everyone can use a little kindness.

I love you. I’m thinking of you always. You are never alone. Please remember that. A part of my spirit is with you and God’s presence is there even when you can’t feel it. Love surrounds you. Just remember the more you think about anything (including God) the more it expands in your mind and life. People love you and you bring others so much joy. You WILL be home soon. J

*BIG HUGS*

LOVE,

Rachel

Just trying to stay strong as we wait for my son's trial at the end of October. He is remanded until then. At the time of his trial he will already have been incarcerated for a year :( he turned 20 this year, he is loved, very much, and missed beyond words. 

Yay, a visit day tomorrow.  We trek out to Asheville, NC around noon for our two and a half hour drive.  If all goes well we get to spend two hours with Greg and see his new digs.  He has been downright cheery the last few times we have talked on the phone.  He says this place reminds him of camp, except that he can't leave.  The "new directions" recovery program is minimum security at its best in the mountains.  Greg said there isn't even a unit for controlled or segregated corrections there.  If you screw up, you leave, period.  I will enjoy this while he is there.  This is the first visit we will have here.  I hope it matches my expectations.  I look forward to my hugs.

After he completes this program he is back to another facility, hopefully for some education or vocational placement (as he was told) that will keep him focused and around other inmates that want the same.  We can hope that it is as civilized as this.  This is the first place he has been that hasn’t been cruel, scary and inhumane.  The CO’s, he said, are even for the most part decent.  If you have never been to Asheville for a visit, then the town itself is just like that.  It’s a modern hippie community where the locals walk around with signs offering free hugs, spontaneous drum circles and in general an environment of kindness.

Recently I have started to also send notes in the mail to my other “free” sons, not just Greg.  It occurred to me that I spend a lot of time thinking about, writing to, and worrying about Greg, most of which I can do very little about.  I have two other grown sons that are doing well.  While we communicate periodically, much less of my attention is on their lives and they could be a greater source of joy with much less effort and that I deserve to have that also.  I want to find more time to enjoy them and plan on exploring how to do that. 

If I believe that this journey for Greg is part of his life plan then I have to practice the faith that my plan isn’t inside with him but continuing to live out here while I await his return to us.  That means nurturing these other loves as well. It seems that that should be easy right?  It seems the good parts of my life get lost in the shuffle so much quicker.  We know that sometime soon again, Greg will be ripped from his “mountain world” and thrust into the next leg of his journey.  Like always, it will be without warning and then the anxiety of what this place is like will return until the next normal is realized, for better or for worse.  Then the “good” seems to be put on the back burner as well.  That is what happens for me anyway.  My faith only seems to hold up strong when I know what I am facing.  The unknown always tosses me out of faith and back into fear. 

Well for today, we will enjoy what we know and be with Greg.  I just can’t wait.  Hugs to you comrade Moms.  

If you get a chance to watch, this video is wonderful, I think we all know the feeling of "Life interrupted" This has nothing to do with incarceration, its just about being a Mom, it was very encouraging to me.
https://youtu.be/m4tKruX5BEU
"The gift of Interruption" by Holly Furtick

So in the end it just wasn’t so bad. All my boys are living in the distance but it is clear that we remain in each other’s hearts.  My son, Mike, in Virginia, sent a lovely Pink Hydrangea with 5 huge blooms.  It came yesterday and brightened my day even though I hate to admit I was headlong in the direction of a poor me kind of day.  I embarrass myself with my lack of gratitude in those times and really can’t help it. 

Greg called yesterday morning and sounded so good.  He said he thinks of the facility in Asheville as a more of a camp than a prison, except that he cannot leave.  He says he has good communication with the counselor at Craggy and that it looks promising that he will get the training he wants when he completes the recovery program and that Minimum security is a real possibility when he gets through these next few months.  I would have never thought those words would have sounded like a slice of heaven and that hope would be such a bright star.  For Greg, productive time is so much better.  The 5+ years will fly by for him and thus us, if he can stay positive and focused on something other than passing time.

My oldest son, Nick and his wife Jenna called from Florida this morning and so did with my son Mike and another call from Greg too. My “adopted daughter” Tiffany and her boyfriend took me out to dinner after I finished work. My cup ran completely over. 

And then I come onto this page with my Sister Mom’s and there is hope, love, faith strength, yes, sadness too but mostly, love.  Thanks for being here.

My son was arrested last week for felony harrassment of a cop.  He was drunk when this happened so I pray they will take that into consideration when he goes back to court.  I found out today that he has been in the hole since hes been there; the cops say he has been uncooperative.  For what?  Since he was arrested for putting his middle finger on the cops forehead I am wondering if they are harrassing him while he is there and I would like to know what he is supposed to be uncooperative about?  They won't tell me anything.  I just put money on a phone account so hopefully he will call back tomorrow and I will be able to talk to him.  My son's girlfriend told me that the cop she spoke to told her that my son keeps telling them he doesn't want to go back in there, but if he doesn't cooperate with them then that is where he will go.  Cooperate how?    ??????  He is telling them he doesn't want to go back in there.  Cooperate ????  I am not anywhere near him but I wished I was because I would be over there, but It would probly make matters worse.  I've seen stories on you tube about this one cop in particular who harrasses people who are trying to get into the court building.  they still have him working for the pd.  Why???   My son is in Tacoma, WA and is in lockdown and is being harrassed by the cops there, Im sure of it.  Can all of you please pray for him (Desire) for his safety in his mind and for his strength in his mind and body to get through this.  And that hopefully I will get a phone call from him tomorrow.  Thank you.

So this is why our inmates sit around and play poker all day... 

https://www.prisonlegalnews.org/news/2014/may/19/prison-education-programs-threatened/

I understand that prison is a punishment. BUT.... while they are in there, they need to be TAUGHT something.... ANYTHING to help them on release. My son is serving a 15 year sentence and has been told he can't take any kind of education/technical classes till he is down to 3 years left. And after reading this article. WILL THERE BE ANY CLASSES LEFT BY THEN???

I am just so bummed out knowing my son will be 35 when he gets out and have ZERO education skills as he was already labeled a "slow learner" and was in special education classes. We tried Home School but drugs were more important to him. 

I am seriously considering sending him some homeschool books and having him work on those, send them back to me for grading and at least get him a diploma that way through a local umbrella school here. 

AGGRAVATING!!!

Sleepless but not awake

My mind thrashes upon the restless waters of my weary thoughts

Lost inside it, we crest and fall amidst the same waves that buoyed us about just a moment ago

The undertow is most certainly that same old place to which I do not want  to return, I resist

The sand that offers sleep is too rough with the grit of crushed stones, broken shells and shattered dreams

It does not comfort me this noise, this motion, this angst, this illusion of reality that is not even a little real, today.

It is said the shells that wash to shore are thousands of years old like

The old emotions and fears that keep me awake to write these sounds that no one hears.

Tonight I crave the ocean in the way it makes me feel so small that I have just to lie back

And listen to the sound of the waves that rock me to a place of peace, comforted by its power

The simplicity of knowing that each wave that moves out and in is no more real than this moment,

Which like the last moment, which is now,

Gone.

Becky Hieter 5/6/16

It has been a roller coaster week this week deciding what to do about my work on Sunday's, in the short term.  Since Greg's move to Asheville, I have been in a quandary over what to do to be able to see him.  The only day for visitation is Sunday and I teach a class on every Sunday right smack on the middle of the day.  That prohibits me from being able to see him whether the rotating schedule is early morning, lunch or midafternoon.  It is just not possible to get there and back on time to teach or visit with the distance at 2 1/2 hours away.  This is about the closest he has been since he was in the processing center which lasted only a few weeks, not enough time for the visit forms to get filed and approved.  We have only seen him once since he went in on Jan 7.  

I tried to no avail to get a sub for my class this weekend. I am really very sad about that.  I spoke with the owner of the studio to discuss a sabbatical of sorts while he is in Asheville.  It looks like that will be possible and I cried with relief when I did heard there were other teachers willing to take my class for several weeks.  

Greg is not expected to stay in this facility as he is there for the substance abuse program and is already in discussions with his counselor regarding his next placement.  It will likely be further away and I miss his face so much.  I am hungry for a hug.

I was talking with my husband about how glad I am to be able to visit and he expressed his reluctance to go on the days that visit is at 8:30 AM because he'd prefer not to get up so early.  I went from feeling elated that I can plan visits to being so mad that he was so self-indulgent that an early start would be such an inconvenience.  He is retired, so really, what else does he ever do that he does not want to do?  I was fuming and trying not to take all these emotions out on this really nice man who expressed a preference, not a declaration of unwillingness.  If we were headed to an airport for a fun trip he'd get up much earlier than 5AM.  I bit my tongue until it bled (slight exaggeration).

I used to think I was a pretty stable, emotionally balanced, very happy person and these days of late I am struggling.  I wonder how do I move forward in my life and what does that even mean anymore?  I have been knocked off this illusion that I can plan for a future because my plans have crashed and I feel pretty powerless to design anything meaningful for more than a month or two at a time.  Greg has moved four times since January and we are not close to being done with the short term moves or his time in prison overall.

Greg is doing just great, for prison you know, and is looking toward his future with regard to training and education.  I really am grateful for that.  I think Mother's Day has gotten me down.  I know my sons in Florida and Virginia won't be coming because of jobs, I get it.  This is the first year they are all gone.  So I got the empty nest thingy too.

All our parents are long gone too.  My oldest son's ex is still very close to me and will come to eat with us after I am done work.  That will be really nice.  Ironically she has been recruited by a company that is relocating her to Asheville where Greg is at for now.  We don't know yet if he will still be there when she gets there but what a nice treat for him to have her there to visit if he is. They also stayed friends when she and my son broke up.

That's all my rambling for tonight.  Thanks for listening.  Hugs, Happy Mother's Day and Namaste Y'all