Good Evening my MISS mom friends. I am so very grateful for this group. It does comfort me to know that I have others to share this journey with. I was thinking today how the daily letters I write have been helping with my coping and aiding the healing that I need to go on.
Early on - Greg let me know that the sadness, helplessness and pain I was sharing made his time harder, only compounding the guilt and shame associated with the condition he finds himself living for the next 5 or so years.
So I decided to live my life in a way that I could do a better job of setting this example of life is what we make of it and journeyed forward to find things that offer fulfillment and a type of comfort I can share. With more intention, I do things in my daily living that create and bring joy, faith and hope for not just me but with others also.
I look for beauty and write about it. I seek the vision of transcendence that comes from rising above suffering and share the results. I actively practice gratitude to remind me that this space that I live in is more than the pain. I was blessed to spend a few days at the beach with my niece and her three children. We hugged at the end of our visit and we talked about the fact that I am the happiest sad person we know.
I can be both. I can be happy and sad. I can have faith and fear. I can decide which one gets to drive everyday, every moment on some days when I get hard news to bear.
When we visited Greg last Wednesday it was such a great visit. We talked, laughed, shared and dreamed together. He loves that I show him this world out here and all the goodness there is to offer. It gives him hope and each letter rises him up from the hopelessness and doom and gloom. He loves to talk about "out here", "in there" is the same everyday and an act of endurance. He can bear it if he is not alone.
That is much like me with all you beautiful women. I am not alone in this journey. I have good days and not so good days and you understand, don't judge and relate in ways others cannot.
We are Mom's, fears, tears, unconditional love. Thanks for being here.
Comments
Thanks Cristy, Exactly! I cannot entertain guilt, shame or other useless emotions that are not mine to bear. They are just roadblocks to stop me from living and make me just as incarcerated as Greg. I am not in there, I am here. I am going to do my level best to live in this place, free to make this life one worth living. It will give him a landing place that is healthy and whole one day. I do fight those demons sometimes and agree ,sharing this helps me so much. Hugs to you dear friend. Greg went in Jan 7th. we have a very long way to go.