Well I am to the part where he and his than girlfriend were pregnant. What I found out months later... they planned this pregnancy. I found a letter from her a month or two before we found out they were pregnant talking about the plan and she couldn't wait for them to start their little family, so on and so forth. I was furious. Again, tried to talk to her parents about it and ended up being told I was a liar. It was crazy. Never met two adults before that would just keep believing their daughter and not listening to what other adults were saying when I had proof in my hands.
Anyways, having his son did my son a world of good. It started to give him a purpose. He worked harder, he wanted to take responsibility and he is a good dad. He pretty much gave his son everything his own father didn't do. I like to say as well that my current husband had a great influence on him. My husband is a great father and is very supportive and loving to his children. My SD and our son we have together. I started to see somethings in my son I never saw before. However, his anger issues were still there under the covers. His son's mom and parents never called the police on him for all the things he did to her. I didn't find out the magnitude of those things until much later. Again, because of his behavior in my home and him not wanting to listen to the rules and me not wanting to support the kids relationship due to the violence, he moved in with them so I didn't know everything that was going on. He was 17 at this time.
With all this going on with my eldest son, we were also having problems with my SD. She was starting to get very defiant and showing signs of sexual interest about 13 or so. My husband and I put her on birth control because of how bad it was. Sexting boys, trying to act provacative etc. etc. Again, she was 13 looking like she was older. She is more developed than kids her age. The summer before my son was arrested she had been acting wierd her grades that fall were horrible... she was acting out and just giving us such a hard time. All of it makes sense now but at the time, we thought she was on drugs or something or going through a phase. We also thought possibly she was showing signs of bipolar since her biological mother was as well. We didn't know we took her to counseling and she just would just sit there mad and wouldn't talk. We had issues with her lying, making up stories (she told people at her school that she was pregnant by a neighbor boy etc.). She was just doing things that made no sense at all and was causing us alot of grief.
Now, in December on my husband and my anniversary, my son came to my house to bring my grandbaby for a visit. My youngest son and SD was here. Had a great visit and my son started to get ready for work and to drop the baby off at his other grandmothers house. My husband and I were getting ready to out for dinner. My son left 20-30 minutes after we left.
We called to check on SD since she was posting inappropriate things on facebook on being home alone etc. etc. and on the way home, we were going to pick her friend up to stay the night. So, when we got home my husband was outside smoking and he was outside our garage and our window to the garage happen to be open. He over heard SD talking about her and my son and things that were going on and that day, they had sex. My husband flipped out.
Now, to make a long story short. The police were called, found out that they have been messing around (per SD - kissing making out etc) for months since earlier in the summer. And the sex issue came about that day and never before that. She claims from the time she was 7 or 8 that nothing happened any other time up to that summer. Now, he didn't live in our home so I don't know how much or frequent this was happening. He didn't come to our home often. I work from home so I would always have access to when he was there and we never left her alone often.
To make a long story short - He was charged with Child Molestation and aggravated Child Molestation. His than girlfriend (baby's mother) broke up with him and our SD decided she wanted to live with her Bio mother. Tore my husband up.... in any case he was still supportive of both the kids. She lived with bio mother only a year before wanting to come back home with us.
My son ended up moving back with us because he had no where else to go. 6 months from the incident he got married to a girl he barely knew and moved out, she's a nice girl and smart... but that relationship was also toxic and he ended up getting two more charges for spousal abuse. They tied the two together and he ended up getting time served in county and probation.
When he finally when to court in May this year for the Child molestation issues, he would NOT take a plea deal. They offered him 3 years and they were willing to change the charge to sex with a minor or something of lesser wording. Again, he would't listen to me or his step dad ~ claimed his innocence and still does to this day that nothing happened and she is lying ~ he would not take a plea when he didn't do anything wrong. So we ended up going to trial. He was found innocent of the aggravated charge and was found guilty of the Child Molestation. Again, these two are 4 years and 2 months apart and I feel Georgia is to harsh on wording this with the gap of age.
I know I sound bad that I don't believe my son - again, it goes back to the motherly instinct. He suppose ably admitted it to his ex girlfriend (baby's mother) because she supported him up until 3-4 months later....he states she is lying too.
Just knowing what I know when he was a kid and things that happened through the years as he was growing up when it came to girls and sex and manipulative nature, I can see it happening. I also know that my SD is a liar - yet, when we catch her - she tells the truth quickly. Her story has not changed one bit from 2 years ago. Nothing added - nothing deleted.. stayed consistent. The judge even said she was the most believable witness he has ever heard and seen in his 20 yrs as a judge. So, she is either a very good liar or she is telling the truth. I don't believe she would continue a lie like this to the point of putting my son in jail and still having to live with me and watching me be angry - crying etc. She's difficult but she is also a very sweet girl. She has a heart for people.
So, now my son is a sex offender and tagged the rest of his life as a Child Molester - it makes me sick. I hate he wouldn't listen to us and I hate that he put himself in this position. I don't know how to support him when he says he's telling the truth and I have to sit there and say - I understand your frustration yet in my mind, I know he's guilty.
How do you support them when they won't take accountability? Do you keep making them believe you believe them? I don't want him to lose hope and I don't want him to think I don't love him. No matter what has happened and no matter what he does - I still love him and still know he is a good boy in there underneath all this mess he has created for himself. Again, he is so book smart just has very bad decision making. No common sense is what my husband says... smartest dumb kid he knows.
I worry about when he's there and having people find out what he did and beating him up or raping him or killing him. I worry about the stigma of what he will face when he gets out and living a normal life. His current wife states she will wait for him but 3-5 years is a long time and their relationship is not that great and I fear if he does go back with her - he will end up back in jail because of his issues with anger.
Trying to not let all this consume me has been hard. I look at his baby pictures and wonder - what did I do wrong and how did this happen and why? I ask God everyday Why? I'm at a loss really.
My husband and I battle because at times I get mad at SD because I don't understand why out of anyone else she was flirting with at the time - why would she even think of doing this with my son... why she didn't even think that was gross....especially someone she was raised with since she was 5 years old. I don't get it. I struggle sometimes about it. Not all the time, but sometimes. This is when my husband will get very upset with me. I just can't control my feelings about it.... he doesn't understand when I flip flop. I know my son was wrong - I end up blaming her too.
Just any advise from anyone that has anything similar would be great and again, I'm having faith that no one will judge or think bad of me about what my son has done. We again, have lost alot of friends about all this and we live in a small town so we are isolated out alot. That's why we are moving here soon. The last 2 years have been stressful and even with my SD going back to school here - the children here have made fun of her and been cruel. Yep the schools know - all the kids in the 3 high schools here - since both of them were still in school it got spread around really fast.
So so stressful and so so depressing.
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