It has been a roller coaster week this week deciding what to do about my work on Sunday's, in the short term. Since Greg's move to Asheville, I have been in a quandary over what to do to be able to see him. The only day for visitation is Sunday and I teach a class on every Sunday right smack on the middle of the day. That prohibits me from being able to see him whether the rotating schedule is early morning, lunch or midafternoon. It is just not possible to get there and back on time to teach or visit with the distance at 2 1/2 hours away. This is about the closest he has been since he was in the processing center which lasted only a few weeks, not enough time for the visit forms to get filed and approved. We have only seen him once since he went in on Jan 7.
I tried to no avail to get a sub for my class this weekend. I am really very sad about that. I spoke with the owner of the studio to discuss a sabbatical of sorts while he is in Asheville. It looks like that will be possible and I cried with relief when I did heard there were other teachers willing to take my class for several weeks.
Greg is not expected to stay in this facility as he is there for the substance abuse program and is already in discussions with his counselor regarding his next placement. It will likely be further away and I miss his face so much. I am hungry for a hug.
I was talking with my husband about how glad I am to be able to visit and he expressed his reluctance to go on the days that visit is at 8:30 AM because he'd prefer not to get up so early. I went from feeling elated that I can plan visits to being so mad that he was so self-indulgent that an early start would be such an inconvenience. He is retired, so really, what else does he ever do that he does not want to do? I was fuming and trying not to take all these emotions out on this really nice man who expressed a preference, not a declaration of unwillingness. If we were headed to an airport for a fun trip he'd get up much earlier than 5AM. I bit my tongue until it bled (slight exaggeration).
I used to think I was a pretty stable, emotionally balanced, very happy person and these days of late I am struggling. I wonder how do I move forward in my life and what does that even mean anymore? I have been knocked off this illusion that I can plan for a future because my plans have crashed and I feel pretty powerless to design anything meaningful for more than a month or two at a time. Greg has moved four times since January and we are not close to being done with the short term moves or his time in prison overall.
Greg is doing just great, for prison you know, and is looking toward his future with regard to training and education. I really am grateful for that. I think Mother's Day has gotten me down. I know my sons in Florida and Virginia won't be coming because of jobs, I get it. This is the first year they are all gone. So I got the empty nest thingy too.
All our parents are long gone too. My oldest son's ex is still very close to me and will come to eat with us after I am done work. That will be really nice. Ironically she has been recruited by a company that is relocating her to Asheville where Greg is at for now. We don't know yet if he will still be there when she gets there but what a nice treat for him to have her there to visit if he is. They also stayed friends when she and my son broke up.
That's all my rambling for tonight. Thanks for listening. Hugs, Happy Mother's Day and Namaste Y'all
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