It's remarkable, really.
Some days, I feel like --- 'the system' just met its match. I'm a consummate writer. I live to be at a keyboard, opining endlessly, practicing my craft. It's even scarier with a cell phone I can speak into a document, even while driving, effortlessly saying digitally those things that occur to you to say, right at all the wrong moments, and forget later when you're - say - blogging - like I am right now.
I'm aching to know the right time to speak out. I lack the knowledge of when would be a good time to bring some things about my own son to the judges attention when it comes time to sentencing him. I hate bothering the lawyers about crap like this, because it costs money. My brain, like a machine - never stops thinking of creative ways to advocate for him. He's not innocent, but he's innocent. The entire reason he's undergoing NGRI testing at all is not because he's insane - he completely lacks a criminal mind, except for lying, which I don't get, because I was never a liar - often to my own damn detriment I've found - is to bring Austin's life to the judges attention. That he was never a violent person, and that he was a good father, and even more tolerant husband, or so he thought. Everyone that ever met Austin liked him. He is a really good kid.
I want to show the judge, without incriminating his spouse, that Austin was set up to become violent - by his own wife. Through her abuse. It broke him down. Nobody seems to be in agreement with that. Even when there's evidence, with all the facts in the pool.
He was:
ADHD
PTSD
abused (fear,shame,guilt,hopeless,)
depressed
hormonal
anger issues
NO CHILD CARE/PARENTING/PRE-NATAL/INFANT-CARE CLASSES.... (For either of the parents)
I don't have any doubt in my mind why my son did what he did. She fine-tuned that boy - she is the Dr. Frankenstein that created the Monster ...
I'm like a machine. I just got done coaxing my printer to pre-print envelopes with my sons address, and stuck my return addy stickers on it, readying them in the folder I keep for all this stuff. I'm looking into using my money orders, my postage costs, my envelope costs, and any related costs, in a separate folder to be used at tax time as a charitable deduction from my taxes. Anything I buy for him, or on his behalf, I will insist on pigeonholing as tax deductible. I'm not going to be able to claim him as a dependent, even though his incarceration began January 13th.
I'm even going to go to his wife's GoFundMe page and add $50 to her pot. Tell her to go buy a dimer on me if she doesn't feel like spending it on my precious granddaughter, whom she has decided to put in peril. Narcissistic bitch. I will tend my sons needs alone, with those willing to help me help him. Because. I. Am. A. Machine.
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