I've been reading all the posts and blogs, which brings such a mix of emotions - encouraged, sad, hopeful, tears, happy. But most of all it brings a measure of peace, having support and a place to go where everyone understand. I'm not going through and facing near the things some of you are, but in the end my son is in prison and simply put I miss him terribly. He was sent to St. Joseph to finish his time, which is a blessing because it's one of the better places to go. He called his grandmother the other day and told her he knows why God sent him there because he doesn't know anyone there, no fellow buddies from his past. Even though he is just doing a 120 drug rehab stint, I hear him starting to verbalize how he doesn't want this for his life, letting his life go by in a prison cell. He knows if he messes up again it will be 7 years.
It's hard to think about.....I've read so many things on here, knowing how many moms on here have watched their sons bouncing in and out of prison because they can't let go of the drugs and I think of Oren, how many times he has been in and out of rehab, then did drug court successfully and 5 years probation just fine...but here he is again.
I feel guilty because right now where he is, he's not using....he's safe, not going to overdose, can't commit more crimes...etc...and my mind relaxes, but he is in prison, not getting on with his life. But when I think about him getting out in November, I will be so happy that's he home but then that old dread will creep in wondering if he will stay clean and the consequences if he doesn't. Has anyone else felt that way too? I know it's a trust issue with God, for right before he was picked up this last time, God asked me if I trusted Him. Right then I knew what was going to happen, that my boy was going to prison. God has been unraveling his life to get to the core problems so He can knit it back together into some beautiful for His glory. I pray for God's grace and peace for all of us here to hold us as He takes us and our sons through all of this.
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