Hello everyone and thank you for allowing me to join this community. My son is younger than most I've read about so I hope it is okay that I'm here.My son is 15. He has schizoaffective disorder & previously diagnosed with highly functional Aspergers & ADHD.My son has had behavior issues his entire life. I would get calls from school or daycare since age 3. As a toddler he would use his soiled diapers to fingerpaint his room. The older he got the worse his defiant behavior became in school. He would talk back or refuse to remove a hat & was kicked out of middle school a dozen times for leaning back in a chair. Any one incident would barely warrant a detention but added together he was expelled from the 8th grade.I'm a single Mom of 3 so I have to work so I home schooled my son in the evening everyday so he could complete the 8th grade. We also had a teacher meet him at the library 1-2 times per week which helped a lot. We met all of the requirements to re-enroll for 9th grade & did. Within 6 weeks he was expelled again. The first time he was arrested was 9 months ago. He met up with 2 other teen boys & they broke into cars & stole & damaged property at some condo's nearby. Before he went to court for the first arrest he was arrested a second time while spending the weekend at his Dad's house. He stole a hammer from a truck parked on the road near his aunt's house. His aunt ( my bi-polar sister) lives near his Dad. His Aunt lied for him & said my son was staying with her & I didn't find out until the police came to my door 3 days later.Each time he was arrested the police left him at home & nothing changed. We would go to court & I would get charged astronomical fees & restitution. He would get a few hours of community service & his life wouldn't change. Because he is expelled he goes to an on-line school that has an on-sight classroom too so I dropped him off on my way to work & within an hour he lies to his teachers about why he needs to leave & hops on a bus. He went 4 months without being arrested or brought back home in the middle of the night by the police for sneaking out again. I thought maybe things were changing. Then one day he decided to run away & hop on a bus to a town 30 minute from our house to meet up with one of the boys he got arrested with his first time (probation violation). On the way there he snorted several his ADHD tabs & sold some. Then later that night after police had been looking for him for hours the boys stole a car & damaged it. He was arrested & charged & left home the same as the 2 other times. Now my son is thinking nothing will ever happen. We went to court a few weeks ago for the pre-trial & his lawyer & probation officer said the judge he was going to see was too harsh so the deemed my son unfit for trial & rescheduled the date. My son then figured nothing could happen so he started stealing more. $130 from his sister, $200 from me, multiple prescriptions, wine hidden in my closet, the list goes on. He started having valuable items show up in his room that he said came from a dumpster. He continues to smoke (probation violation) & a few weeks ago burned a large portion of their fence by throwing a lit ciagrette into their brush. Now I have to pay hundreds of $ to replace that. 3 days ago he was placed in detention for up to a year for probation violations. We still have to go back to court for the stolen car etc. which is a 5 year felony. My frustration is.. had the police or judge put him in detention for a shorter time after his first arrest maybe the rest could have been prevented. Now he'll be transported from detention to court for something that happened 5 months ago now. In Michigan minors stay at home after theyre arrested for non-violent crimes. He has a therapist & a psychiatrist. I've drained every dime & maced credit cards paying fines & restitution assigned to me because of his crimes. In spite of any of it I love my boy. I muss him so much. He's been locked up for 2 days & it feels like months. His last therapist said "he has all the characteristics of a serial criminal. He will be in & out of jail his entire life so face it". She was fired & replaced. I cannot accept that. I have 2 other children (ages 14 & 20) who have never been in trouble. They're good students, good athletes, & society would deem them great people. I don't know how i'll make it without my boy. It was constant anxiety living with him because every day he violated his probation but living without him is heartbreak.As I said, I know he's younger than most here. I just needed somewhere to turn. Somewhere that didn't stick their nose up at me or look at me with deep sympathy when they find out who my son is. He's my baby & I just want to hold him.
Thank you for the kind welcome. So far all of the residential school programs that I have found cost far more per year than I mak. Even if I sold everything I have including my house I couldn't afford the programs. I do keep searching though. I would enroll him anywhere in the country if it was affordable. There is the National Guard challenge Academy which is more of a military school but not a punishment but they only accept willing students without felonies. Unfortunately my son is not willing at this point & he will officially have a felony conviction in 2 weeks. We tried to plea down last time when he was found unfit for trial & the best offer we could get was a 5 year felony plea down to a 2 year felony. I'll keep looking though. I really appreciate the support in this group. Thank you.
It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with and had very little support. With your son's diagnosis, it sounds like he would be better in a therapeutic, residential school. I don't know what programs are around you, but is that a possibility? Could any therapist suggest any other programs ? The legal system is not the place to handle these problems but unfortunately it is where most kids end up since their mental health issues and impulsive behaviors get them in trouble. Often, other mothers, trough trial and error, have found programs that might be a good fit. Try to find these in your area. They also understand your challenges. Hang in there. You are doing the best you can.
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sorry - typo on my name :)
Amie,
It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with and had very little support. With your son's diagnosis, it sounds like he would be better in a therapeutic, residential school. I don't know what programs are around you, but is that a possibility? Could any therapist suggest any other programs ? The legal system is not the place to handle these problems but unfortunately it is where most kids end up since their mental health issues and impulsive behaviors get them in trouble. Often, other mothers, trough trial and error, have found programs that might be a good fit. Try to find these in your area. They also understand your challenges. Hang in there. You are doing the best you can.
Densie