My son Patrick still waits in county jail for transfer to his ' processing' prison then on to his prison where he stays for the remainder of his sentence. Today was like many days where the smallest things like making one of his favorite meals broke me to tests and I had to stop cooking and have my breakdown. Far too many when,i think it's your to gets easier. My father who helped raise my son moved to Arizona and since pats arrests he has made comments on h9e he won't see him again. My father and he were so very close. Now trying to console my father who decried her never serpatrick again and my din, whom I've had more up then downs with, refused to talk to any of us. I l0be my son when he hates me. It is my job to love kids even if it's not theirs. I would take his place. I epuldctske fear and Paul 1p0 times more just to know he ate that day or was healthy that day.I don't get to see him and his calls are do far apart. O wrote and send photos and money but he his distance. Is crushig my soul. We grew apart then when my mom passed we were friends!! Again. Then his jail time collected and of to Wisconsin correctional for 2 couple years. I was not to see him while he was there. Then by slmemistsje he was out in boot camp for 18 months and six Mo the from that release, he was back on the news and I found out at 6 pm that he wasn't coming back.my dad can't think or breathe, my daughter is like me. Emotional and my youngest says he's disowned him. So now I've got all of this in me. I kid his attorney, I pay his books. I do take his place if life could go back to normal. This will be the 6 Christmas he's either in the county jail or prison. He 2not let me see him and yes, we had a falling out but I'm using today and so forth to reconnect if he will. I'm so very cold and one. I know he is too. I need a face to face local group to meet with before my spins. One thing that's good and bad ...my best friends caught is incarirated for 4.5 yes and if their is anyone who knows what I feel when they look at me, it's her. But I need strength and a group to cry with!Since Patrick has been locked up in major holiday my family celebratez, we don't have them now. Wetr missing a link and it's depressing so much we just all do out own thong. The doctor hacks out me I. Panimc attack meds. My so, made a choice and I will live in a world like this Now. Cold, scared and with peoples judgements. My h4as is held high but my heart is broken.
I could have written many of those words. I feel so heartbroken for you. Please know you are not alone. All the mothers here know exactly how we are feeling and we are not alone. I will be praying for you. <3 ((hugs))
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