I'm going to refer to all of the other mothers on here as veterans. I'm new at this, and having such a difficult time. I'm finding that I feel bad if there is anything to enjoy, and I feel guilty if anything is funny. I'm having a hard time balancing faith and worry, knowing that worry is opposite of faith, and that all equals to me to being a failure. It's hard because my incarcerated son is not my only child. I have 6 kids, one of which is a pediatrician married to a lawyer, and another daughter who is going to dental school. I have a daughter who just had a baby, and I'm having to put so much effort into anything that should make me smile. I'm not doing well at all with this adjustment, and what can I do sans going and getting a precription? What are your experiences, please share.
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I am new at this too, it feels awful. I found this site and am so happy I did. I feel exactly the same guilty and like I failed my boy. I am a good mother and we raised him right...what happened?? It is out of my control. Faith is being tested stay strong and know there is a plan in all of this...Let me know if you want to talk and I will keep praying for you. I have read all of these posts and I feel something from all of them. This is a fog a can't be happening fog...I need to be present in the moment for my husband and family...I am consumed with this and its only been 3 days!!! I feel bad like I dont have any right to be upset when some of the women havent seen their sons in years...How dare I feel sorry for myself!! Im so glad i found this site I think its going to save me..
Hello Jeneva! I am new at this too as my son has only been incarcerated for 2 months but for a year I knew the day was coming and that was also complete torture. As horrible as this may sound, at times I feel like I am grieving his death even though I keep reminding myself he is not dead. My son was only 21 and still lived at home and it hurts soo much to go into his empty room and see all his clothes hanging....his computer and flat screen tv just sitting there not being used. Feeling guilty must be a normal thing for us Moms because I have felt guilty when I laugh or do something that my son cannot do right now but I know that my son would want me to be happy whenever I can. I believe, and have heard from others, that our sons want us to be okay and it makes them feel better. They need us to be strong for them....I think it makes them be strong. I always feel some relief after writing my son and also when he writes me and I see that he is doing ok. I have to believe that this must have happened for a reason and I believe that from my belief in God. Praying for my son gives me some peace when I am feeling worried or sad for him. I am on anti-depressants already but am feeling they are not working the best but I think it may be from the situation with my son being in prison. I would love to find a support group in the area for this but I don't think there is any. I have good days and bad days and when I am sad I guess I just have to feel the sadness because if I push it away it will sneak up on me someday. I noticed that I am pushing people away right now because I feel they don't understand and I am living in my own little bubble to protect myself right now but I will come out of it one day I believe. I also have 2 younger sons I have to be careful not to ignore, sometimes I just find myself focused on the son that is in prison because I feel he has the most dire circumstances already but I am recognizing that and trying to change it. I just support my son in anyway I can by sending him money for commissary, sending him books to read to pass his time, writing him letters and cards, sending him some crossword puzzles to solve, because he told me the biggest problem he has is boredom right now until he gets to his home prison and can do more stuff. He scored really high on some tests he took so he may be getting into a trade school at home prison so that will keep him busier and be good for when he gets out. I am going through what you are....sometimes my stomach feels like its in my chest and my heart actually feels its been broken in pieces but we have to know it will get easier. I have learned a lot from all these beautiful mothers here and its been my blessing to have found this site to have other mothers to relate to. Just keep coming here like I do and we will all get through this together. Prayers for you and your son