About Us

So, another Christmas is past. It's nice to have the other kids around and the grandkids definitely help to make Christmas magical. Staying focused on life out here makes it easier to worry less about life in there, but still I worry. So going into Christmas it had been a few weeks since I had heard a word from Sean. He called on Thanksgiving, and that was great, but nothing since then. We bought the tree. A family outing. We decorated the tree. A family activity. I hung the ornament that we bought for him at Disney Land when he was 4, and I smiled as I thought of that day and tried not to fast forward the movie playing in my head of the rest of his childhood, because I know how the movie ends. Our first Christmas in this house was his last Christmas with us, and so I place the decorations just the way he did when he was helping me put this house together. I think sometimes about changing up the decor or the room arrangement, but I just can't because it is the last tangible evidence that he was ever home. I have hunted and hunted for another house and another job, but this house is the last home my son knew. I know it's silly. Even before I say it out loud, I know it's silly. I know he will come home to wherever we are and be happy to be with us, but I still want him to have a place to dream of when he dreams of home. I want to be able to say, "remember that tree out front? Half of it fell down in the last storm."  And as I am thinking all of this, he still hasn't called or written in weeks. I stay in on boxing day even though we usually go to the movies with the kids, because I don't want him to call and not get an answer. Still no call. I rush home to be here by 7 each night because that is when he usually calls. I check jpay over and over even though I have set my account to notify my cell phone when I have a new message. Finally, I get the letter. Around 300 words. Not much. Just love for me and his father (which in itself is a Christmas miracle) and for his brothers, and especially his sisters. Thanks for loving him. Thanks for the prayers and the letters. Can't wait til winter is over so you can make it across the pass to visit me. Only 300 words, but now I can sleep. Of all the gifts I got for Christmas this year, my favorite is the 300 words from my son. And my favorite words? "I'm doing ok here."