My son is 22 , and just got handed down a sentence of life. He found himself in a situation where the designated driver ended up drunk and could not drive so my son who had also been drinking , got behind the wheel to try and drive himself and 2 other people home. My son caused a horrible accident and in the process killed four people, the two people that were in the car with him and two people he hit on a motorcycle . I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am that he made such a stupid decision when he knew he was drunk, but I guess he felt he was in the position where he was stranded on a highway with no one to help him and two drunk people in his vehicle besides himself. He's doing the terms consecutively but received 4 40 year sentences . He doesn't sleep has nightmares all the time and is very depressed and extremely sorry not that that matters now.I've never experienced this many different emotions all that one time and it's very exhausting. A lot of times I feel guilty when I think about what his life will now be like. I've never dealt with the prison system so this is all new to me , and since my son is incarcerated in another state it's even difficult for me to go see him.I hear a lot of opinions and comments from people who don't understand it's better for them to keep their mouths shut about what my son did and it makes me angry because I would never say half the stuff people have said to me to anyone else in my position. I love my son but I'm not condoning anything that he's done , I'm horrified for the lives that have been lost , but he's 22 and has never had a record before never had a DUI or been in jail before ever and now I feel like his life is over. I can't even begin to tell you how many people who have heard about my son and have told me that they have two or three DUI on their record but this has to happen to my son who's never been in trouble before ever!I've read a lot of people's stories since I joined here today so I realize I'm not alone but sometimes I think but no one gets it no one understands how I feel. Just trying to cope since I have 3 other children that need me and are also grieving.Thanks for reading this
I am so sorry I understand your pain my 23 year old son was sick on april 18 2016 went to the er they gave him a shot and released him severely dehydrated needless to say he did not let his girlfriend drive home cuz she had suspended license. 15 minutes after leaving the hospital he fell asleep behind the wheel and had a fatal car wreck. He just came out of coma 3 days ago with severe brain damage his girlfriend didn't survive and the police have already charged him with speeding. Wreckless driving and vehicular homicide with malice. This was just a terrible accident.
It's makes no sense, why the laws are so drastically different in every state. I will lift you and your son up in prayer, and know that God will make a way, for you both to get through this. We may never understand his plan, and why these things happen. Take care of yourself, and reach out here, it will definitely help.
Every day since my son's fate was set I wake up dreading the day . It's hard to sleep at night thinking of where he's at and what could be happening to him. He's so young and although he tries to act tough I know he's scared. I don't even know where he's going to go yet right now he is being processed in a Detention Center in Oklahoma . But wherever he goes he's in til I'm at least 70 . its a 40-year sentence that he has to do at least 85% of that mandatory before he can ask for any parole. I've researched it and if he happened to have done this in another state he probably would have gotten 10 years . But for whatever reason he chose to get behind the wheel and ruined many many people's lives. I feel for the mothers of those children I do. But he's my child so getting out of bed every morning is a small victory for me. BUT, when I woke up this morning and reach for my phone there were many messages from the mothers on here and I can't begin to tell you how much that warms my heart. I'm so sorry that you all are going through what you're going through and just because my son got life and some of yours didn't (thank god )doesn't lessen your pain and I know that . I am so glad I found this site thank you !
Gina, I am so sorry what you are having to go through! I agree with you about(some) people needing to refrain from making comments about our situation. Especially the ones who don't have a clue the pain we too are having to deal with. Thankfully, I have found the moms in this support group are non-judgmental and actually care about our situations. I feel safe venting and do not have to worry about someone talking to others who are nosy and love to gossip. Most days I don't even want to leave the house or answer the phone. However, the church I attend has a team of men who go to the county jail and have a worship service every Sunday night for the male inmates. Our pastor's wife goes on Wednesday nights to speak to the ladies. Our church is an outreach church which ministers to offenders, drug and alcohol addicts, homeless, family members who have love ones who are incarcerated. On Thursday nights we have a fellowship and invite those who need a meal or just want to be with others. Letters are sent from inmates who have been touched by the love the church has provided. God bless you and your family...I know you and your children are grieving...this all hurts so much. I love my son but do not condone by any means his behavior. I am the only one who goes to see him. His sister and dad have not stepped foot into that jail and it has almost been a year since he has been placed in segregation. She has children who are in school who have to deal with what is being said about my son. People in the community and her workplace have been known to question what happened. Not her fault this is happening nor is it mine. I will say his dad (my ex of 30 years) has sent money for his commissary, bought him some clothes and paid for his medical visits to the dentist and doctor who come to the jail. My sisters and a lady from church have also sent letters, cards and a little money.
Try to get some rest...yes, we love our sons and try to keep things going while they are doing their time. That's what moms do...goodnight...Diane
Oh Gina, I am so very sorry that you have to deal with all these emotions, your son is so young and to be facing the rest of his life in prison has to be unbearable. We get it. I think I have had every emotion known to man. My son does not have a life sentence but he does have a very long sentence. He too was under the influence of alcohol. I know there is one Mom here whos sons situation sounds very similar to yours, I don't think she is on here very often but maybe you and her could make a connection, if your interested I could private message you her name
In the meantime I am lifting you and your son in prayer
Thank you so much everyone for the kind words its definitely different to talk to someone who understands and is going through a similar situation. God bless
Oh Gina , I am so sorry that you are going through this and yes people can be so cruel, when they really have no idea. Like Mary said, you are not alone, this is the most non-judgmental group of people I have ever met, its a great support system, the mothers here have given me much knowledge and encouragement. You, your son and the rest of your family are in my prayers.
Comments
My heart breaks for you...
i cant believe these stupid sentences. Try not to listen to other peoples nasty noise.
You are surrounded by loving mums,try to look after yourself as all your children need you .
surrounding you in as much white light as i can.
One day at a time mum you can do this
Gina, I am so sorry what you are having to go through! I agree with you about(some) people needing to refrain from making comments about our situation. Especially the ones who don't have a clue the pain we too are having to deal with. Thankfully, I have found the moms in this support group are non-judgmental and actually care about our situations. I feel safe venting and do not have to worry about someone talking to others who are nosy and love to gossip. Most days I don't even want to leave the house or answer the phone. However, the church I attend has a team of men who go to the county jail and have a worship service every Sunday night for the male inmates. Our pastor's wife goes on Wednesday nights to speak to the ladies. Our church is an outreach church which ministers to offenders, drug and alcohol addicts, homeless, family members who have love ones who are incarcerated. On Thursday nights we have a fellowship and invite those who need a meal or just want to be with others. Letters are sent from inmates who have been touched by the love the church has provided. God bless you and your family...I know you and your children are grieving...this all hurts so much. I love my son but do not condone by any means his behavior. I am the only one who goes to see him. His sister and dad have not stepped foot into that jail and it has almost been a year since he has been placed in segregation. She has children who are in school who have to deal with what is being said about my son. People in the community and her workplace have been known to question what happened. Not her fault this is happening nor is it mine. I will say his dad (my ex of 30 years) has sent money for his commissary, bought him some clothes and paid for his medical visits to the dentist and doctor who come to the jail. My sisters and a lady from church have also sent letters, cards and a little money.
Try to get some rest...yes, we love our sons and try to keep things going while they are doing their time. That's what moms do...goodnight...Diane
Oh Gina, I am so very sorry that you have to deal with all these emotions, your son is so young and to be facing the rest of his life in prison has to be unbearable. We get it. I think I have had every emotion known to man. My son does not have a life sentence but he does have a very long sentence. He too was under the influence of alcohol. I know there is one Mom here whos sons situation sounds very similar to yours, I don't think she is on here very often but maybe you and her could make a connection, if your interested I could private message you her name
In the meantime I am lifting you and your son in prayer
Deb
Oh Gina , I am so sorry that you are going through this and yes people can be so cruel, when they really have no idea. Like Mary said, you are not alone, this is the most non-judgmental group of people I have ever met, its a great support system, the mothers here have given me much knowledge and encouragement. You, your son and the rest of your family are in my prayers.